Something is Missing

Moving Day is Friday.

I am beyond excited. I am ready to start this new phase in our lives. I am ready to build our future. After the past 2 years, it is amazing to see how things have turned around. I have finally found where I belong, and I am looking forward to seeing what is next.

I am positive and optimistic about this. For the first time in my life everything feels right. I hate to be rainbows and butterflies on you for a second, but this feeling is what I have been waiting for my whole life.  I never expected things to work out this way, but what started with me judging him and taking pictures for a karaoke contest (not bad judging him...I was a contest judge) has become  the kind of relationship I thought I would never deserve.

Will there be struggles and challenges? You bet.

Will it always be pretty? I can promise you it won't.

There will be fights, disappointments, petty disagreements, and other bad things that come along. Things will suck from time to time. That is just how life works. However, I have faith and confidence that we will be able to work through whatever ugliness gets thrown our way (or even that we cause). It won't always be easy, but we can do this.

The *only* thing that gives me a moments pause: His kids...or more so the fact I feel like I have zero maternal instinct

For the record: I love both of his girls. They are awesome. That is not even close to being an issue. his kids like me. His brothers' kids like me. Most importantly, he always puts his kids first. If he thought this was a bad idea, the moving in would not be happening.

I am excited about spending more time with them. I am excited about getting their room ready. I am excited about being a bigger part of their lives. Those are all positive things.

Why I am a little scared:

  1. I do not have any children of my own
  2. I have never really wanted children of my own, and I am too old to be thinking about having them now.
  3. I may refer to the birds as fids or feathered toddlers, but they are nowhere near the responsibility that children are. Um they stay in a cage all day for one.
  4. I was actually told by an ex that we would never go anywhere because I would be a bad mom. 
  5. I honestly do not know what I am doing. 
The biggest reason: 

Okay parents or step parents: The first time you found yourself in over your head with your own kids or step kids who did you call?

I am guessing most of you said: Mom

Guess who I can't call.

This is one of the things you are suppose to have your parents to be there for/help you through. I don't have either to have my back on this one. I am going into uncharted territory and I am going in without the most popular resource for back up. 

Of course I have friends who are moms to call, his mom, his sister is laws, but it isn't the same.

Instead of a mom to call, I am left with the memories of her parenting, and a few things I have "inherited" without even knowing (IE: the crying temper tantrums to get ones way will not only not get what said person  wants, they will get the child ignored). 

I feel like I am missing a major component from my arsenal. 


Comments

Kanga said…
I personally believe that parenting is a learned trait, not a 'given'. You will grow and learn, and so will the girls. And you have each other for support, as well as various friends and family members when the parenting gets tough.
Parenting is an interesting road, and you are coming into the game a little later since these aren't your 'own' children. But I think you can adapt and will grow to have a wonderful relationship :)
JMHO, of course, and I'm NOT a parenting wizard by any means!
11:41 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Bottom Line

Image
Writing Prompts: 1.)  Six Word Memoir : Write about a significant time in your life in just six words. 2.) “One need not be a chamber to be haunted, One need not be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place”. -Emily Dickinson What haunts you? 3.) Describe a talent or flaw that seems to be in your genes. 4.) What are you passionate about? 5.) Comfort food at its finest. Share a family favorite recipe you loved as a child. Lets go with #4  Shall We? It has been an interesting ride over the past almost 32 years: I was a cute baby: I was an adorable toddler: I was a child with a bad perm: Police Radios were just a part of Christmas morning and family dinners : I had the "coolest car" I may have vandalized a friend's car with evidence tags and rubber gloves found in aforementioned cool car: I went to college: Moved Away and Made New Friends: I traveled: I even toured with a band: Bottom Line: No matter where I have gone, what
Read more

Best Laid Plans

I sat down and crafted a list of blog topics last night, and the plan was start working through that list tonight. It was going to be the start of a true reboot of this old thing. While I had planned on picking my stepdaughter up at the Boys and Girls Club after work I didn't plan on: 1) The amazon parrot needing me to make a food stop on the way home 2) My stepdaugher wanting me to watch her practice for color guard 3) That working on our budget would take nearly as long as it did. 4) Being this exhausted for no particular reason Now I sit here with a basset hound in my lap, and I am awkwardly trying to type on my laptop without disturbing him. This won't  be the blog I wanted to write tonight. It won't  be carefully crafted. That blog post will have to wait. Sometimes  you have to roll with the unexpected. Sometime you have to focus on what is really important. That means acknowledging that you have to make sure your priorities are in check. Sometimes you ha
Read more

Summer To Do List

view more detailed instructions on how this weekly meme works, check out the  Writer’s Workshop  FAQs. Writing Prompts: 1.) List 10 things you wish you could say to strangers who share unsolicited advice about your parenting skills. 2.) Write a poem inspired by a picture you took last week. Share both! 3.) Create a bucket list of 50 things you want to do this summer (with or without the kids!) 4.) A country you would like to visit. 5.) What is something you could stand to learn from your significant other? After much deliberation, we are going with prompt 3 Let's see how this goes I will get a tan...it will take all summer,  but I can do it I will spend more time with my friends I will go to Cedar Point I will have a non-craptastic birthday I will grow out my hair no matter how hot and miserable I get I will go to Chicago just to shop up at Clark and Belmont I will run every day that I can...even when it is balls hot  I will take at least one friend home with me to meet my
Read more