Take a Deep Breath

Fear is an amazing emotion. It can motivate you. It can hinder you. It can make you into something you hate. It can make you a better person.

 Yes, it can do good things and bad things, and it is much easier to let the bad things win. It takes an effort and sometimes an extraordinary amount of drive to overcome it. It takes virtually nothing to let it consume you.

 I have a laundry list of things I fear, and recently it has been really hard to not let those things get me down. It is easy to let the insecurities win out when you feel lost.

Still, it all comes down to a choice. Some of the insecurities may even be true, but even with that there is still a choice. I can let it overwhelm me, or I can face it and fight it. I decided last weekend (as I mentioned on here Monday) to fight it. I just didn't realize what I was choosing to do. I decided to stop letting my sadness, loneliness  and anxiety run my life, but the underlying cause of those negative feelings has always been my fear.

 Yes, I need to deal with the circumstances in my life. I need to heal my heart and my "spirit." It is going to be a challenge and at times (especially since I for see not knowing what I am doing and making things up as I go in my near future...again) aggravating. However, like I said before, as long as I cling to the things that make me the best person I can be, I will make it.

There is a great deal of uncertainty in my future, and we all know how I hate surprises. Still this is my choice. Most of my optimism was crushed years ago, but there is still a little bit of that clueless teenager inside of me that just can't give up. She's who I was before facing any real disappointment, loss, or  heartbreak. She'll do anything to protect the people around her, but does a craptastic job of protecting herself. When I just want to give up she's like the obnoxious baby cockatiel screaming at 6:30 a.m. (when I fell asleep at 5:30). She knows I'll give in and see what she thinks is such a big deal. It is the hope of something better, and I fall for it *almost* every time.
I do not have pictures of me as a teenager that I will actually share...so instead I give you a baby cockatiel
We all have a choice. Choosing to face your fear won't always get you what you want. It certainly won't guarantee you rainbows and butterflies. You might wind up getting hurt. On the other hand, it might actually turn out sort of-kind of like you wanted. That has to be better than wallowing in your fear...right?

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