A Much Needed Break

It has been an interesting few months.

I'm still very happy, but there are days where my patience and my good will are just about gone.

It is to the point where stuff at home is stressing me out that it is impacting me at work. That is on me though. I need to keep the home stress at home, and I need to me more aware of my own behavior. I am usually pretty self aware, but I have gotten away from this. My focus has not been there, and only I can make the changes to fix it.

Any time you are in a relationship, things aren't perfect. If you add kids to that mix...it gets harder. If said kids aren't yours, it just makes it a bigger challenge.

I'm not the mom, nor should I try to be the mom. Still there should be a certain level of respect and courtesy that should fall into place once all parties have had time to adjust. We do work hard to make sure they have  the things we can afford to make them happy. We have tried different approaches to try to set up and maintain boundaries. Nothing seems to work.  I feel stuck between feeling like we don't do enough to discipline them, and his fear that if we push too hard the girls will never want to spend time with him (and staying with their mom on his nights and weekends).

It is hard on both of us.

I try so hard to keep positive...that this will be the night it all falls into place. I have tried retail therapy to relieve stress. I will purposely plan errands, so I can sneak away for even just 30 minutes for a mini break.
Nothing was making me feel better.

I needed to get away. A trip to Chicago was planned months in advance. Little did I know how much it would be needed. It was great to get away. It felt great to recharge. We had hot fudge sundaes even though it was bitterly  cold outside. We took care of some Christmas shopping.  It was nice to splurge a little and spoil ourselves with a nice dinner (it was very nice to have my wine brought to me by a guy in a suit). I was nice to have a weekend where nothing else mattered but having fun.

Yes, we do have to return to reality. Yes, we still have to figure out how to fix this problem. Still, it is good to feel refreshed and to be able to see a little more of that hope I was missing.


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