Feeling Stuck

When Mark and I moved in together, I was a little overwhelmed. Both girls were playing softball, so he was never home. I didn't get off work in time to go to their games, and even if I did, someone still had to do the work around the house. When the girls were there, he would play with the girls while I would clean.

It was overwhelming and frustrating. Six trips up the stairs with groceries killed my back and shoulders. The time alone was slow and boring. I never knew when to start dinner, because I never knew when he would be headed home.

I was happy because I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be. At the same time I was miserable because I was stuck with all the work and left on my own.

Eventually, things started working out. I started getting more help around the house. I even pushed to get my schedule changed so we had more hours together to get things done, and so I could go to some of the girls games. It was all looking up.

Then we hit a speed bump.

His schedule will be changing. He will be home less. We will lose our flexibility especially on the weekends we do not have the girls. It means getting my schedule changed was almost in vain. It means hauling all the groceries up the stairs on my own. I will be losing my help around the house on most nights.The worst part is being stuck on my own for the evenings and weekends.

It means we are going back to the way it used to be, but now it will mess up weekends too. I finally get  my schedule so it doesn't muck up plans *every* weekend, and now we are back to square one.

I have tried to not complain about it too much. He thinks this is the right thing for us. Short term, it sucks for him too.  In the long run it will make him happy, and it will cut down on his stress.  I need to suck it up and be supportive. I always have said I would give anything to make him happy (hell I went to a boat load of country concerts all summer just because I knew the concerts would make him happy). You make sacrifices to keep the people you love happy.  He thinks this is the best option, and I don't have any suggestions for any other options.

Last night it came to a head. This week is crazy busy. Work is crazy as we are launching a new placement test next week, and we have so much going on at home. I had the week all figured out, and then he tells me about a dinner he has to do to for work on Tuesday. He swears he sent me a text about it, but this is the first I had ever heard of it. It isn't on our calendar either. He also tells me that since we won't have the girls on Tuesday, he is going to be up with them during soccer practice on Thursday...and not be home until at least 8:30.

That completely kills my plan for the week. I am angry that he didn't tell me about the dinner. I am angry that in order to actually get to spend time with him on Monday, I have move groceries to Tuesday and have no one to help me unload the car. I am angry that my special dinner plans for Thursday are now scrapped because once he gets home he has to pack (we are leaving as soon as he gets off work Friday) and get things in order. It means having something I don't even really like for dinner Thursday night to save time. I'm angry because I was totally left out of the choice to change our plans.  However, what pisses me off the most, is that this will be our life for at least a while.

It is the anger that makes it so frustrating. The anger mixed with dreading that overwhelmed feeling  is what makes it hurt. It kept me up all night and it is still eating away at me this morning.  I know he has taken my feelings into account, but I still feel like I am stuck.

I know we will make it through it.  I just need to stop being selfish, and try to look past all the negatives I see coming from it. It is just a roadblock...and it is probably the first of  many we will face together. Right now I can't see past the hurt feelings, but that will come (hopefully *before* things get tougher). Now I just have to try to focus on the positive, and hope this next phase of our lives is just a temporary situation.


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