Two Years Later: Thinking of Mom

Two years ago, my life changed forever.

June 4, 2010 set the whole situation up. Dad had a stroke. Two ER doctors at  Fulton County Health Center misdiagnosed him ( He had a history of clotting strokes. We could prove negligence, but not that it led to Dad's condition). When they finally called our family doctor, he had Dad moved to Bay Park.

Their negligence sealed our fate. Had they done their jobs, we never would have been on 795 that night. We never would have crossed paths with that tornado.

We can't change any of that.

It has been a long two years that started in a totaled Chevy Cobalt in the middle of 795. As time goes on, I remember more and more of that night. Most are memories I wish I never pieced back together.

We lost our mother and became responsible for our now very disabled father in a terrifying moment I relive in my nightmares. In that two years, our lives fell apart, we lost our father, and Amy and I had to deal with our own trauma from the tornado.

I am afraid I will now hate roller coasters. My back and shoulders are a mess. I hate driving in the dark. Driving in thunderstorms makes me nauseous. I still have nightmares. Sometimes my back hurts so much, I can't sleep. Considering I already have insomnia, this isn't making life any easier.

It hasn't been easy. I have important people in my life who will never meet either of my parents.  Every time one of Mark's girls ask about my parents I pray that they don't ask me how they died. I just don't know what I would tell them about Mom. I certainly don't want them to have the fear of severe storms I have. I don't want to lie to them. I want my mom to be a part of their lives and of Mark's life. Instead she is just pictures and stories (and recipes).

My parents weren't at my brother's wedding. If I get married, I won't have anyone to give me away. They will never meet their future grandchildren (Adam  and Kelsey, Amy that is all you guys). They won't be there for all the things parents are supposed to do. There are still some mornings where I wake up and hope it is June 3, 2010 again. Those mornings are few and far between, but they still sometimes happen.

I can happily report that for the first time in these two years, things are looking up. I am truly happy again. I have not only found something to help me move on from this darkness, but I have also found what I have been looking for my whole life. I have finally found where I belong, and I am excited about my future. While I know I will still have struggles, I am ready to put the worst of this behind me.  It is time to keep looking forward, and enjoy the life I now have.

I am looking forward to our future. I know I will always be haunted by that night, but it will not run my life.

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