Insomnia is Killing Me

I'm not sleeping. If I get a couple hours of sleep a night, I am lucky.

I am not unhappy. Actually, I am very happy, so that isn't the issue.

I was sleeping better for a while (even with the bad dreams), but I am back to dealing with severe insomnia again. In a related note, my taxes are going to be a bitch this year. Just thinking about how complicated they will be is making me nauseous. Thanks Gertrude/Grandma Morris for that nightmare. Long gone are my days of a simple 1040A.

I know some of it is my new work hours that started in October. Working 9 hour days that are usually really 10 hour days plus another shift on Saturday mornings has taken a toll on me. I leave the house at 7:20 a.m. If I don't have any stops to make right after work, I am home between 6:30-7 at night. That gives me very little time to clean, organize, blog (and I soooo miss blogging), write other things, do laundry, see my friends and spend time with my boyfriend. Depending on the Saturday I leave between 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning and work until noon or 1:00. That means any Saturday morning activities are a no go. Going out late on Friday's doesn't always work. If my boyfriend has plans that start before I get off work, that means I won't see him until those plans are over (and most weeks Saturday to Sunday is all we get). It sucks. I know it is temporary,    and I am grateful to have a job I enjoy. Still I know it makes me anxious.

There have been some recent organizational changes at work. So far the changes aren't impacting me, but there is some probably irrational fear on my part. My department has been shuffled between the Academic Side and the Student Affair side a few times. The last time we were shuffled from Academic to Student, the job I loved was taken away from me and I was given I job I hated. (On the flip side when we transitioned from Student  back to Academic it was a positive move) Some of that fear still lingers even though I know that it will probably be fine. It is a different situation than it was 5 years ago. Some changes will happen, but it will work out...despite my worries.

I know some of it is from the whole estate, house, Dad's business part of life. It is a big deal, and it is stressful. It is worse because I am so far away, and I can't help like I should.

I know my past 20 months or so haven't been easy. I have been moving forward with my life, and I feel like I am ready to take some big step. I am just not sure what that step is. Just when I think I know, I see that I am being selfish or that it is really just a bad idea.

Between those things keeping my mind going, and my shoulders keeping me uncomfortable, sleep is just not happening. Well unless a soul sucking bed is involved. This bed is like sleeping on a cloud. It relaxes me so much my mind actually shuts off. I will be buying one. Until then, I need to find a temporary solution.


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