Decisions

Christmas Eve was great,  but there was that little nagging feeling. That feeling that something was missing. No matter how hard I tried, that feeling kept getting bigger as the day went on. Of course the inevitable awkward conversation did rear its head ("why aren't you going to your parents' for Christmas), and even that didn't bother me as much as that sinking feeling in my heart. Still I smiled, laughed and had fun until I had to drive home alone.

I cried from Pendelton to Fishers.

I cried harder when I couldn't find a store that was open to buy shrimp.

I cried all the way home, totally lost it when the life insurance check was in my mailbox, and cried all night when I should have been sleeping.

I cried some more the next morning, and if I had wanted to I probably could have cried all day.

Instead I made a choice. I chose that from that moment on, it was all about making this an amazing Christmas.  No more tears. No more feeling sorry for myself. I was going to get up, get out and enjoy the holiday with people who love me.

It was the right choice.

Sometimes it is easy to let the sadness and the darkness take over. You have to make the conscious decision to stand up and enjoy the positive things you do have in your life. It is okay to miss and mourn the things you have lost, but letting that pain run your life will never be a good strategy.  It only pushes people away and keeps you from enjoying your life. Choose the things that make you happy over wallowing in the things that make you sad. No one can fix you. You have to make the choice to at least try to bring light into your life.

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