Missing and Gaining
Today, I really miss my dad. I am not sure why, but today is one of those days where I am constantly reminded of him.
On one hand, it is sad. On the other hand it comes at a time where I know I am starting to heal.
I have never been a all about me kind of girl. I like taking care of people. I would feel guilty about buying clothes or doing other things for myself.
Since Mom died it isn't just feeling guilty. Most of the time I just didn't care about taking care of me. I didn't feel like I had a reason for new clothes...even as lost wieght and my clothes became too big and not flattering. Cheap make up was just fine. Why did I need stuff for the apartment if I never had anyone over. Dad was my number one priority and he was really the only person I cared about.
I am starting to care about me again. Losing Dad was hard, and I miss him and I miss him and Mom every day. I will never regret the time I spent making him my life. He deserved it, and more than I had to give. However, I know it is time to start being me again...and to take care of me again.
I like feeling like me again.