Going Home

Heading home does have its perks.

  • I get to see Dad
  • I get to see my siblings
  • I get to see other people who can make time to see me
  • This trip: Ernesto's
  • I can listen to 89x 
All of these are awesome...however...

There are some drawbacks

  • With exception of Jojos (our "nite club" yes...be jealous of our classiness and our $1 old Milwaukee light drafts ) the whole town shuts down by 11...I think the grocery store closes at 8? Want a diet dr pepper at midnight? You have to drive out of town to get it.
  • Our house does not have: internet, cable, or AC...and as I mentioned above...there isn't much to do in town. Typically, I could live without cable. I watch most everything on my computer anyway, but the lack of internet leaves me with nothing to do.
  • People not on the pre approved list will hug me. 
  • I will again be depressed by the fact that I can no longer drive 85+ mph down 105 
  • There is typically at least 1 thing I have to do that I am dreading.
Honestly, the pros make up for and far exceed all the cons except for one:

  • My life isn't there. I still have friends back home. Some of them are great friends. Still, it isn't the same. They aren't the ones that help me keep it together week after week. They aren't the people that can get me out of hospital scrubs and out on a night when I just want to stay home. Just seeing I have a random text from them doesn't make me smile even before I open it. They don't make people cry for messing with me (I so needed a Quinn in high school). They have never left just one shoe in my car while still wearing the other. They aren't the ones who have made me feel like family (even if I am the mom) when I was/am totally lost. They are not the people who have been part of my random adventures over the past few years.  I have to leave all those people behind...when really I need them the most. It is a horrible feeling. A text message just isn't the same when you really want to see the person.
This trip will be rough. We honestly do not know too much more about Dad. Things are looking better than they did last weekend, but none of that is set in stone.  Things could still go either way. Of course I'm in the it is all going to be fine camp. We might have to make some changes, but I hope that he will continue to get stronger and out of critical care soon. I'm hoping one of my oh so classic pep talks (btw the last one I gave was right after the stroke was pretty much me storming in to the hospital room and telling him he had to stop feeling sorry for himself and start fighting because I couldn't make it through this without him and storming out...in hospital scrubs, hospital socks, no make up and a sloppy pony tail...but it worked) keeps him fighting. I may (actually I'm hoping I will) have to sit down and have a Norm-esque, "This is how this is going to go," talk with a person...and not be emotional about it despite how I feel about the issue. I will miss having my daily support network having my back.


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