Things I Know For Sure

There  are few things I am totally certain about anymore. Before our accident, I thought I was starting to make sense of things. I thought I knew who I was, and what I deserved. I thought that maybe I had a chance to be normal person. Yeah, all the things I wanted for myself at 20 never came true, but maybe at 30 I could make it happen.

Then life happened.

Now there are *TONS* of things I don't know. Many of which are covered pretty extensively on this blog. We won't go there today.

More importantly, the three things I do know are the ones that keep me going.
  1. I'm not the same person I was before. I am just not. I'm not sure if it is better or worse, but I am finally accepting that I have changed. I may never have the things I dreamed of when I was in college. I won't be normal. I may never deserve the life I thought I could have before the accident. 
  2. Occasionally, it is okay to be selfish. I'm not saying I am going to run out and be a self absorbed PIA. However, it is okay to again occasionally do things just because it will make me happy. Let's be honest here: I'm not totally uber depressingly alone, but most times just flying solo. Someone has to take care of me...even if it is me.
  3. You can't always control life, but you can control how you handle/react to it. Yeah, things suck sometimes. There are nights I cry. There are times I feel really sorry for myself. There are times where I wish I didn't feel so alone. I'm not super woman and sometimes it is hard to stay strong. Still,  I can't wallow for too long. This is my reality. I can choose to let it ruin me, or I can make the best of it. I hope I choose to keep trying to make the best of it. 
I don't know how things will end up. I don't know if I am doing the right thing. All I can do is follow my gut.

Comments

VandyJ said…
Continuing to move forward and deal with what comes is all anyone can do. Those who think they can control things are the ones who fall the farthest and fastest when things fall apart.
Hang in there.
The last one is exactly right! I remind myself of that one all the time!
*visiting from Mama Kat!*

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