When the Support Fades Away
A friend of mine from high school recently lost her brother in a tragic car accident. My heart breaks for her and her family. As I sat back and watched the flood of comments on her Facebook page, the friend requests from people she hadn't heard from in years, and seeing all these people from back home sending prayers her way, I had mixed feelings. I 100% believe that most (I'm talking like 99%) of those people really do feel awful about what happened, and they want to do what ever they can to help. It isn't fake. It isn't malicious. They really want to be there for her. It is awesome to see a community rally around a family that needs lifted up. As genuine as all that love is, it is amazing how quickly it fades away and sometimes leaves you even more alienated.
Yes, true friends, people who have been through similar situations and family will still be there when the rest fades, but it is interesting to see it first hand.
After our accident, people just kept coming out of the wood work. We had the messages on Facebook, people who I was pretty sure made my life miserable in high school or totally ignored me, suddenly wanted to be my friend. Even people who didn't add us we're posting to send prayers our way. My mom impacted a lot of people in our school district, and I am sure their grief was real. People from high school: I wasn't popular, but I at least tried to be nice to everyone. It didn't always work well. Yes some people I thought were immature and even sometimes cruel. I may have been to harsh and even if they were: People Grow Up. We change. We learn. We grow. I know I have. I'm not the same person I was back then, so why assume they haven't changed too? I wouldn't want someone to hold my behavior back then against me. Again, I am sure their concern and prayers were true and of the best intentions.
Not even a month later, my hometown had their Fourth of July Celebration. My brother was convinced that my sister and I needed was a couple nights out at the beer tent with all our old friends. The Beer Tent is usually if nothing else guaranteed entertainment. About a pitcher and a half in "everyone" was friends with everyone and it was a good time.
This year, people just stared. I wasn't there to mope or be "Debbie Downer." I was there to force myself to drink beer (I'm not a huge beer drinker...and you have to plan well to avoid using the port-o-potties)and have fun. Suddenly though all the people who wanted to be there for us could do nothing but stare and pretend we weren't there. Holy Awkward Batman. I'm trying to have fun and my totally hammered brother has to force people to talk to me. Awesome. I didn't want to talk about the accident. I just wanted to feel normal. That didn't happen.
At that moment, all I wanted was for someone to treat me like a normal person. I didn't need their sympathy or support, but just to feel like I was home again.
Yes, true friends, people who have been through similar situations and family will still be there when the rest fades, but it is interesting to see it first hand.
After our accident, people just kept coming out of the wood work. We had the messages on Facebook, people who I was pretty sure made my life miserable in high school or totally ignored me, suddenly wanted to be my friend. Even people who didn't add us we're posting to send prayers our way. My mom impacted a lot of people in our school district, and I am sure their grief was real. People from high school: I wasn't popular, but I at least tried to be nice to everyone. It didn't always work well. Yes some people I thought were immature and even sometimes cruel. I may have been to harsh and even if they were: People Grow Up. We change. We learn. We grow. I know I have. I'm not the same person I was back then, so why assume they haven't changed too? I wouldn't want someone to hold my behavior back then against me. Again, I am sure their concern and prayers were true and of the best intentions.
Not even a month later, my hometown had their Fourth of July Celebration. My brother was convinced that my sister and I needed was a couple nights out at the beer tent with all our old friends. The Beer Tent is usually if nothing else guaranteed entertainment. About a pitcher and a half in "everyone" was friends with everyone and it was a good time.
This year, people just stared. I wasn't there to mope or be "Debbie Downer." I was there to force myself to drink beer (I'm not a huge beer drinker...and you have to plan well to avoid using the port-o-potties)and have fun. Suddenly though all the people who wanted to be there for us could do nothing but stare and pretend we weren't there. Holy Awkward Batman. I'm trying to have fun and my totally hammered brother has to force people to talk to me. Awesome. I didn't want to talk about the accident. I just wanted to feel normal. That didn't happen.
At that moment, all I wanted was for someone to treat me like a normal person. I didn't need their sympathy or support, but just to feel like I was home again.
Comments
You still have support, some people just don't know what to say or do, that's why they look at your like your an alien! Hope your Dad is getting better each and every day!! And if you ever need anything, just ask...I won't look at you like you're an alien;)XOXO