I'm not like you...and I'm okay with that...

I could write another "why I hate me" or "why I wish I were like the popular girls" blog, but I will spare you all of that and move along to the real issues at hand.

Do I sometimes hate me? Oh you bet I do. I'm a girl it happens. All women are crazy. It is just a question of how crazy we are at any given minute. I've just accepted it. It isn't a bad thing. Hell, I came home last Thursday and had a moment where I hated all the clothes in my closet and I hated them even more once they were on me. It wasn't rational, but it happened. Sometimes I hate that I can't be "normal." It happens. I can let one little thing cloud my thinking. I key thing is not to dwell.

Do I wish I was more like the "popular kids" in my group. Yes. It hurts to be forgotten or left out. While I have no real desire to be the constant center of attention, but it is nice every once in a while. Lets be honest here, I'm too self conscious to handle being in the spotlight 24/7. Yes I have those moments where I wish I could be the person getting the attention. It sucks for that night or two, but again I can't get caught up in it. There are too many other things going on to let this get in my way.

I'm not going to be the pretty girl, skinny girl, the flirty girl...we already have at least one of each of them...and I love them all. I don't have the things that make them stand out and make them special. I also know I probably don't have anything they would want. 99% of the time, I'm good with this.

My life isn't perfect. I don't have everything I am looking for. I'm not sure if I will ever find it, and if I do it will it become a reality for me. However, I have a great family, good friends, a stable career, and I am making it on my own. I get to travel and pursue my passions of music, writing, photography and web design. It may not be full time, but it is still part of my life. I may be in dating purgatory, be easy to overlook and sometimes I did not know how I am going to make it work. I may not be where I want to be, but I'm living life on my own terms. It is not always easy, but it is who I am. It is easy to complain on the bad days, but the good ones out number them.

It is hard to keep things in perspective, but as long as I remember that I'm not like the other girls...and that is okay I'm much better for it.


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