Days like Today
Days like today remind me of who I am and where I want to be. The past week has been full of moments that have made me wonder about where I fit, can I be replaced, am I too old, is it too late, am I trying hard enough, are my priorities in check and where is my life going?
I know what I want. I fear I will never have it. I sometimes feel trapped by my present. Sometimes I see things that worry me. Most days, the good out weighs the bad. I'm making ends meet. I'm taking care of me. Sometimes the fear is enough to keep me motivated when all I want is to be complacent. Other times I look at where I am and realize this isn't where I want to be. It isn't a self pity thing. It is more of a harsh wake up call. I don't want to be here. I don't want this to be my life. I have so many positive and wonderful things in my life. I have no desire for them to go away. I just know I can have more.
I can't be lazy. I can't be too tired after an awful day at work. I can't go out every night and enjoy time with my friends. I need to keep working. I need to keep following leads, building relationships, and get enough monthly revenue I can make this dream happen.
So yes, I run the risk of being "replaced" in my friend group by a new, younger face that seems to want to take my place. I spend my days at work just trying to get through the day so I can go home and do what I really love. However, I know why I am doing it. I see where I want to be just up ahead…and I want to be there soon.