Only in dreams

I usually do not remember my dreams, but when I do they are usually very vivid and very realistic...and most times almost haunting. Actually, it isn't the details I remember more as the feelings and only flashes of the images remain.



Recently, my dreams have either been weird mixes of people and situations in my life. They never quite make sense. Sometimes they are just strange. Other times they are haunting. I wake up feeling unsettled. It isn't always that they are traditional nightmares. Sometimes they are just too real, and waking up is either a let down or just to weird.



Two nights ago I seriously only netted 45 minutes of sleep, but the dream in that 45 minutes was so real. It was one of those dreams where things aren't perfect, but you have the things you most desperately want In my case I was working from home (down to 2 jobs vs 4), and I had someone else to help when I needed it. I don't know if I will ever have either of those.



I had just made the decision earlier that day that I was going to make it my top priority to establish my writing as my full time job. If it is writing for my own company and doing all my work freelance, or if it is landing a full time telecommuting position...or at least to do the one thing I am truly passionate about full time. I don't have a timeline yet, but I am taking steps to take on more clients and to figure out a better way to balance my time.



I was also mad at someone for just being a moron. I've pretty much accepted that I am going to be on my own. I'm not the ideal looking girl, and honestly even if there were interested parties I do not have time to date. My day starts at 6 a.m. and ends sometime between midnight and 3:30 even on nights I work at home. I do wish I had someone to share my life with. As independent as I am, when my head hurts so much I think it is going to implode, and I have my purse, computer bag and a camera bag to lug out to my car, someone to help me sounds fabulous. Someone to help me haul my laundry to the laundromat, help with dinner and just be there when I'm 3/4 a now 100 hour work week would be nice. My friend had someone that cared for him and he threw it away. Good, non sketchy people who actually like you for who you are don't just fall out of the sky. It is usually good form not to screw these things up. It just makes me angry and sad when I see people giving up a decent relationship because they are being stupid.



Last nights was just crazy and I have no idea where it came from. I was trying to buy an ugly green pick up truck, but no one at the car dealership even tried to help me until I went into the building. It was 10:45 on a week day and for some reason I just had not gone to work at 7:30...like I am supposed to and I suddenly realize halfway through the car paperwork that this is an issue. In an added twist one of my ex boyfriends was dating one of my former roommates. This made no sense since the two of them never met, the roommate lives pretty far away, and I am pretty sure is married. All my friends were calling me about it because they thought I would be upset, but really I didn't care. Like I said it was totally random.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Bottom Line

Image
Writing Prompts: 1.)  Six Word Memoir : Write about a significant time in your life in just six words. 2.) “One need not be a chamber to be haunted, One need not be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place”. -Emily Dickinson What haunts you? 3.) Describe a talent or flaw that seems to be in your genes. 4.) What are you passionate about? 5.) Comfort food at its finest. Share a family favorite recipe you loved as a child. Lets go with #4  Shall We? It has been an interesting ride over the past almost 32 years: I was a cute baby: I was an adorable toddler: I was a child with a bad perm: Police Radios were just a part of Christmas morning and family dinners : I had the "coolest car" I may have vandalized a friend's car with evidence tags and rubber gloves found in aforementioned cool car: I went to college: Moved Away and Made New Friends: I traveled: I even toured with a band: Bottom Line: No matter where I have gone, what...
Read more

Challenging Your Writing

Blogging is easy for me. In an attempt to start shaking up my writing, I decided to start doing a writing workshop and trying some new writing prompts. Trying to get my blog back up in shape has been harder than I thought it would be. I am feeling like writing again, but I need variety. It has been fun trying new topics. Still, I was always picking the safe ones. This week, the list came to my inbox and the one I was instantly drawn to was of course the easy one. However, there was another prompt that was nagging at me. "What I lack" Here is the deal: I don't want to always write about negative stuff. This would be a negative blog. That wasn't the worst of it. I knew it was a topic I would have a hard time putting into words. I don't want to be misunderstood, but I am just  not sure how to put some of these feelings in words I kept trying to convince myself it wasn't a good idea. I just couldn't shake it. I wrote the blog. It is far from the best thi...
Read more

What Does One Wear??

Image
On May 21, I am attending Methodist Theological Seminary of Ohio's Commencement. My mother was a student there, and she would have graduated this May. The college has decided to award her a posthumous degree. This is very kind, and we are honored they have decided to do this. Today I was trying to  figure out my plan for that day, when it occurred to me: What does one wear to accept a degree for their mother (who died nearly a year ago)? Well black doesn't seem fitting (and there goes half my wardrobe) It cannot be too short It cannot be to low cut (there goes most of the rest of my wardrobe). So what are my options? Very obviously this is not going to work: Maybe something like this, but not in Black? This had potential...until I noticed those were skulls not polka dots This has potential Then I was distracted by this (but....it is on sale!!) Okay...more like this? I just don't know...any suggestions?
Read more