A very sad night

Tonight I came home from work to discover there was something very wrong with my one cockatiel Beaker. Beaker and Batty are brothers, and they were my first two birds. Beaker was never the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was a momma's boy. I loved him like a he was a kid not a bird.

At first he was just a little out of it and wobbly. Then the parakeets started acting strange. They were jumping on him, pulling on his wings and getting in his face. Normally, Beaker would run away like a little girl, but instead he was taking it. I went and picked him off the cage. That is when he collapsed on me. His feet weren't working. By the time I had him in the travel cage I could hear him struggling to breathe. We rushed to the vet…and she had bad news.

I knew he had a genetic defect that effected his respiratory system, but he was fine at his last check up. When I got him to the vet she said it looked like he was in respiratory failure and he wasn't getting enough oxygen...and that is why he couldn't stand up anymore...then he lost ...control of his wings. We were going to do an oxygen treatment over night but it was too late. It was heartbreaking to watch the whole thing unfold, but at least I know he did not suffer long and he did not die alone (I was actually holding him at the time).

This was beyond horrifying. I will never forget that look on his face as he took his last breath. He was scared. He didn't want to die…he wanted to go home and play with his friends. He was looking at me like I should be able to save him…but all I could do is watch him slip away. I lost it. Once they managed to get Beaker's body away from me, all I could do was cry until I threw up. I just wanted him to wake up. I didn't want to go home and face his brother and the other birds with out him.

I went home and cried some more. I can't look at Batty without crying even more. Beaker was his brother. I promised them I would do everything I could to make sure they were safe and happy. Now Beaker is gone, and I have let Batty down.

I already miss Beaker. Every time I look over, it breaks my heart that he isn't there. Every time Batty calls for him I feel like I let him down.

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