Wednesday rant
First: My Car
Okay, Firestone has had my car since SUNDAY they just today told me that they can't get the part to fix my car so it has to go to the dealer....WTF why couldn't they tell me that before now? So now I am having it towed to the dealer...and I am waiting on them to tell me if they can fix it. The good news is after a Jennifer tell off session (just a word of warning...don't ever piss me off. My own father doesn't want to be in the same state with me when that happens. The good news is I am usually content just to be angry with me not other people) , Firestone is not charging me for anything. Now I just have to worry about the dealer.

Since I have been stranded since Sunday, it has given me time to work on writing projects. Granted there was a lot of stuff I wanted to get done before Amy got here, but rethinking some of my current projects was agood thing. Also Associated Content has started paying us additional money for our page views, so if you get a chance look at my RSS feed on my page and maybe read an article or two.

Second: Rules
Okay, not that I am not happy that Amy is coming to visit. I am very happy about it, but you see Amy has only had her driver's license for maybe a year. Yes, she is 22 but both she and my my brother decided to wait until their early twenties to drive.
When I got my license at 16, there were rules. Lots of them. No driving on the freeway. No driving in bad weather. No driving in Toledo. No passengers (that rule went bye bye quick). And so on. Basically I could drive from my house to school and to work and that was about it. Not to say I followed all those rules, but they were there. OKay, so I *did* put nine people in ford escort and drive from Elmore to the Unviersity of Toledo for a DCI show. And okay maybe yes I did get lost in the ghetto while trying to follow Sam, and then was too afraid to call my dad to get help. In my mind the rules were unreasonable. I remember having to beg to drive to Cedar Point my senior year...and it isn't that far away. Getting permission to drive to the "good mall" in Toledowas like pulling teeth.
All of this was under the pretense that I was an inexpereinced driver. Even after I had been driving for 2 years, I wasn't allowed to have a car on campus until my junior year. When Adam got his license, he got to have his car up at "school" (still living in Ypsi but not in classes) ASAP. He was an inexpereinced driver, driving my parent's mini van and on their insurance, but he didn't have all my rules. Amy basically had no rules too. She has a car at her disposal. She can drive all over Northwest Ohio, and my parents are letting her make the trip down here on her own. I'm feeling the oldest child sense of being cheated here.

Third: My mood
Have you ever known something is bad for you, but you can't seem to stop yourself from doing it anyway? I have so been struggling with this whole being happy, but having this underlying sense of sadness. DOn't get me wrong, I have joy in my life for the first time in a really long time. I even had a friend tell me recently that I seem much more joyful than I ever have been...and I lived with her for 2 years and known her for 4. I'm not sure where it comes from...probably just from the whole hating me thing...but anyway like I said before I just get hit with these feeling of not quite right. Like I am second class or a mistake or just not like everyone else. Trying to relax and just have fun has helped, but I can't seem to totally shake it. The only things that seem to make me forget it are bad for me. I know they are bad for me. In some cases (like with the alcohol) I know that is a very dangerous and unhealthy solution. So I still drink, but I am careful not to make it a solution. If there is hole in my heart alcohol is not what I need to fill it. Other things may be just as equally bad for me, but I'm not so discerning. Maybe I'm not that smart. Maybe I let my sense of being a good friend or a dependable person get me into trouble. Who knows...

Oh in something totally unrealted...I finally got to see the Halloween epi of NCIS. I had to work that night and I was so angry when my VCR didn't tape it (the damn this is possessed...sometimes the timer works others times not so much). I think it was one of the best episodes ever!

Well I'm still in my pajamas and I have a lot of work to do before Amy gets here..so I will see some of you tonight and the rest of you I hope to talk to you soon!

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