Of Course I Hear Voices: I Own Parrots

Sometimes life is unfair. Bad things happen to good people. The people with the biggest hearts get stomped on. Rules, laws and policies have zero logic and are painfully in favor of one party. Things are sometimes so messed up we just can't wrap out minds around it. Sometimes you have to give up trying to understand and focus on how you are going to deal with it.

I came home from work the other night to discover my freezer making odd noises. The fridge was fine. The freezer was still cold, but the fan was making funny noises. Some of the back vent for the fan was frozen over. Maybe that was the issue? I broke off the nice. The fan was still loud, but not quite as much...and it appeared there was *warm* air coming out of the vent. Not a lot of it, but still enough to raise a concern. I made dinner, and started preparing for my laundry run. Just before I left I checked the freezer again. The fan: still making noise. Still cold: yes. However: I was almost 100% certain the hot air was not my imagination. The remaining ice on the back vent was starting to melt. I had a two choices: Completely flip out. Go. Do my laundry. Check on it when I returned. Hope for the best. Of course the impulse to  to flip out was there. My  moving date is less than 2 weeks away. My freezer is actually full of pretty much literally every single meal I ...

Next week will mark the last trip I will ever make to Kwik-Kleen Laundromat. I am ecstatic. Why may you ask? No more hauling a weeks worth of laundry from the apartment to the car, to the laundromat, to the car and back to the apartment. Addendum to #1: Parking in my current apartment complex sucks, so that last leg was usually at least from 2 buildings away. Crazy Evangelists: This is not a slam on Christians. I am just very put off by how this mother -daughter duo share their faith. These people are actually pretty creepy. Now if a ten year old came up to me with a drawing she made, and it had a Bible verse on it, I would be cool with it. When it is drawn by a twenty something and laminated: creepy. Washer/dryer/basket hoarders. These guys do not do laundry for a month, and then monopolize one whole area of the laundromat. These are also the same people that hog up counters and rolling baskets.  People who move my stuff. Generally, I run an errand while m...

Last weekend we put a huge dent in packing my apartment. As a result, I am essentially living out of totes and boxes. It is exciting that we are so close to the move. I still have some things to pack (like the linens I washed Wednesday night...that are still in the laundry basket). Not only is most everything packed, most of my furniture has been relocated. It is great to be on target (e Still, there are some awkward moments Looking for a pair of shoes for work...and then finally realizing they are packed My "place I put my keys" is no longer in place. Finding my keys can be a challenge. I am selling stuff on Craigslist, but it isn't moving. One of those items is an extra dining room table. We needed dining room chairs. I only had 2. We needed 4. We found the table and chairs for $50, but we had to take both. Now I have an extra table. I had a buyer that flaked out, so now I repost and wait. I am sort of in a holding pattern on packing until the table is gone ...

Yeah another post about moving. Sorry. Deal with it. As our move gets closer, my "project list" keeps growing. So far I am: converting a parlor sewing cabinet into a china cabinet (shelving purchased) Converting a sewing table into a desk Recovering a vanity bench Recovering dining room chairs Sanding and refinishing a vanity/desk Possibly refinishing a headboard. I am strangely committed to making our new apartment a home. I have never had a place that wasn't a hodgepodge of free furniture. I have never had  a place to share with someone else. I want to do this right. I have no idea where this burst of nesting is coming from. It certainly isn't something I inherited from my parents. I know some of it is doing the most with what we have. We have limited space, and some great stuff that could just use some TLC and/or repurposing. I am looking forward to the new challenges and having fun getting the apartment in shape.

It is amazing how one little emotion can dig in and stick around. Today Facebook recommended I add my dad's "best friend." I use that term pretty loosely. He didn't come up when my dad had his stroke and my mom died the next day. He didn't come up when Dad died. He was supposed to be there for us, and he selfishly chose to not make the trip. I blame his new wife for being possessive and him for not having the balls to stand up to her. He chose to appease her instead of being there for us in both times we needed him. That is almost unforgivable. I know I *should* forgive him, but it is so hard. He has made the choice to not be a part of my life. I should respect that and let it be. Still seeing his picture brought all that anger back to the surface. Granted the anger has subsided a bit. I am no longer so livid that I want to add him as a friend just so I can be that petty brat that uploads all the cute pictures of him and his ex wife (for the record these are o...

Love this song. It makes me smile.

You just need to float and see where life takes you.   Other times you have to go after exactly what you are itching to do. What is your heart telling you?

We have created a monster. She is going to be crushed when the playoffs are over.

Dear Mother's Day ads (more so those who make them) I get it. You are trying to make money. I really do. However, as one of the people who do not have my mother around to celebrate the day: For the love of all that is sacred, back the hell off. I am past the whole Mother's Day making me cry. I got that out of my system last year. This year it just annoys me.  Your commercials shoving the Hallmark Holiday down my throat, just make me angry. Maybe if I had kids it would be different (the closest I have are the birds and I would be damn impressed if they escaped and got me a card...oh and they are pets not kids). However, I am childless and will remain so. I'm too old to entertain the idea of my own kids, and if I am like my Mom...too old to have any of my own anyway. Step kids could very realistically happen, but that is in the future. For now it just pure torture. For now, I will cringe at every commercial. I will pray for the day to come and go so the commercia...

In less than three weeks, I will be saying good bye to my apartment and to living alone. It will no longer just be my space. It will be shared. It will be time to say good bye to old habits. It will be time to make the transition from a place I live to a home...a real home I can be proud of. It also has meant saying good bye to things I have kept out of guilt and sentimental feelings. These are things that are acceptable for parents to keep of their children, but who keeps them once the parents are gone? Most importantly, it is saying good bye to my old life and saying hello to my future. Almost 2 years ago, my life fell apart. I went from looking at houses and thinking about grad school to wondering how we were going to survive this. Now I am  looking forward to a new happy life. There will be challenges. It won't always be perfect.  However, it is new start. It gives me hope that things are continuing to turn around. 

Have you ever thought back on all the things in your past that never quite worked out. I don't mean look back and dwell, but to look back with some perspective. You can still remember the  tear filled nights and moments where you would put every thing on hold to make another person happy. You were never necessarily looking for payback, or thought they owed you something, but reciprocity would be nice. You remember the fun you gave up, the driving out of your way, and settling you did thinking it would be worth it in the end. You wondered if your patience would ever pay off.  There is a very lonely feeling when you are trying to fill your life with the wrong things. They may not be bad things, they are just not what is going to make you happy. It could people. It could be nights out. It could be anything, but it just isn't working. You keep trying. You keep hoping. It just doesn't seem to get better. Maybe you are facing this right now. There isn't a magic fix, b...

I am super excited about moving.  I keep finding positive things about our new place and location. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life. That being said: I am beyond stressed out. I have no idea how I am going to get this all done. I have a hard enough time getting every thing done after work and on my Friday's off already (so that I have my weekends free to go up north and actually see my boyfriend for 36 hours), and now I am trying to do all that and pack and clean. I have approx. 3 weeks of  nights I work until 6 and Fridays to make this happen. I am losing the whole week of finals. The week we move is already booked solid. One positive spot: I get one weekend here at home, but that is also the only weekend we have to order our couch and take care of the few other things we need. When I moved last time I only had 2.5 weeks notice (the complex had me move so they could renovate my old apartment), so I didn't purge much then. Plus I have acquired ...

Yep we are moving. On May 18 we will be moving to Noblesville.  It is awesome, and I can't wait for us to not be 45 minutes apart. Seriously, I would not have seen him until  Saturday this week had we not his Dad not cancelled their weekly gold outing so he went to a movie at Hamilton Town Center...on the night I got my hair cut up there. It is exciting. I love the apartment. We only have a few things to still get. I am freaking out a bit because I a afraid I won't have time to get ready. I work 8-6 M-TH and Saturday mornings. One night a week is grocery night. One night a week is laundry and errands night. Some nights I am just so exhausted, I have no energy to pack and clean. I spend my weekends up in Atlanta with him and his family. That leaves Fridays. 1) Some Fridays are already spoken for (Next Friday has massage and nails on the docket. Nails can be moved, but massage not so much,) 2) I loose May 4 because of finals. I will have to work. 3) we may be stayi...

It's Dad's birthday today. Last year, I couldn't get home for his birthday. It was Belt It Out Semi Finals, and I had to work. I came home the next weekend after Finals. I was out until 3:00 a.m. and then on the road by 8:00. I wanted to get there in time to take him to Tony Packo's for lunch. It was one of the most successful meals out we had together after the stroke. No spills. No mess. No cursing. (He was blind an only had use of his non dominant hand...spills, messes and cursing usually came standard with meal time: It was 100% understandable). He had us buy an extra pack of Packo's Dogs and chilli for the staff at the Assisted Living facility. Then he tried to pay for his own birthday dinner. That was my Dad 1) trying to take care of the staff 2) He didn't want me spending my money on him. It is a great memory. Still, I miss him today. The only thing I want to do is call him, but I can't. Random but fitting:  We finally paid off Dad's pho...

It is amazing how something little can build up and make you miserable. It can be something that seems totally irrational, but the frustration feels warranted. It is hard when you know it is just how it is. Life isn't fair. I like keeping people happy. That may mean glossing over what I want and trying not to complain about the little things. However, when the little things add up the sadness can hit you like a Mack truck. I know I shouldn't be angry. I can't have everything I want. Just because I show people I care with service and time doesn't mean that is how others care back. I need to be okay with that.

You will need: One Sun Tea pitcher or a size equivalent One Bottle of Mango juice One Bottle of pineapple juice One bottle of your choice of rum Amaretto (to taste) 1/2 a cup of lime juice 2 Tablespoons of bitters

Best part of my week so far: getting to kiss him good bye before work Monday morning Worst part of my week: is totally work related. I am over people who lie and who want to make their failure to follow directions my fault. Loneliest part of the week: Going to bed alone Stressful part of the week: finding out someone has been lying to me and now somehow I am supposed to fix it. Disappointing part of the week: Looking at my timetable, and realizing a goal just isn't going to happen. Frustrating part of the week: Knowing my work schedule will be messing with what I really want to be doing again. Some weeks are harder than others, and this is one of the weeks where I am only half way in and I am overwhelmed. I know it will get better, but it is hard to hold on to that when I know next week brings a 6 day  50-60 hour work week an the threat of having to deal with it completely on my own. I need some kind of pick me up.

Last night I arrived home to find a UPS notice stuck to my door. The only filled out was the date. This isn't an odd thing. It happens quite frequently. However, I typically have been e-mailed a tracking number so I know all the details. Here is where we have an issue: Where was it left. Was it left at the office or was it an item that needed *my* signature Who was it from? I was not expecting anything to be delivered by UPS. I have one pending order from a company that has shipped using UPS on past orders, but I have not received an e-mail saying my item has been shipped. Actually, I was told it would take 1-2 weeks for the item to ship...which is another issue. Not to worry. I would just Look up the info notice number. However, the web site was down. I tweeted about it and left to go to dinner. When I returned I had a reply from @UPShelp offering assistance. I tried the website again with no luck, so I I emailed them my Infonotice #.  I didn't expect to hear back from ...

Today is one of those days where I feel like I am stuck. Three projects/issues need addressed. I can't do a thing about any of them because I am waiting on other people. The room we had secured for outcomes testing was accidently  re-purposed. I put in a room request 2 days ago.It wasn't actually assigned to anyone until end of day yesterday. I am still waiting on a response. We have things to change online. Students to contact. Possibly another work order to submit depending on the type of room we get. Things to rework. However, none of it can be done until the rooms are assigned. Our one vendor (we have been having issues with them for a while now), claimed that 3 invoices we processed haven't been paid. The insert with the statement had bad contact information. I did finally get in touch with the person in charge of our account, and she was supposed to get back to me. That was Monday. I can't do anything about it until I know if the payments were actually never r...