Of Course I Hear Voices: I Own Parrots

I warn you now....this isn't pretty, but the best I could do on short notice. The Prompt:  Bonus Vlog Option! 6.) Tell us the story behind the title of your blog. What is it? What inspired it? What other options did you consider? Are you happy with it?

I arrived home last night in a good mood. The night hadn't been what I had expected, but I had a good time with my friends. All was good in the world, until shortly after I crawled into bed. This whole first Easter without mom hadn't bugged me one bit until that very moment. What set me off? A Damn Chocolate Bunny. Of all the things Easter represents, and all the memories I have of the holiday it was candy that I never ate that made me cry. Awesome. When I first moved to Indianapolis, we started doing Easter here. The family would come up Saturday and we would make dinner here on Sunday. Every year  mom would come bearing a Lindt Bunny. Every year that bunny would get put in a drawer and eventually thrown out. I like chocolate. I really do, but it is something I really try to cut out of my diet. Once mom got her own church the Easter visits stopped. However, the next time I saw mom there was always a Lindt Bunny waiting for me. Even last year, I didn't make it home un...

I miss feeling like me. I miss feeling normal. I miss the person I used to be. I know the person I used to be figuratively died almost a year ago. I know I have said this before, but until now I didn't know what was missing. I feel numb.It is this empty feeling, and nothing I have found so far will fill it up. Yes, many things have gotten better. I cry less. I'm grateful to have a second chance at life (and have way less of the "I seriously lived so this could be my life?" moments). I'm moving forward, but the numbness stays. I'm not looking for butterflies and rainbows here. I just wish I could feel an emotion (happy or sad) like I used to on a regular basis. I thought I knew what was missing, and actually I was sort of right. I just didn't have a full grasp on why I was feeling this way. Then I read this by Erika Napoletano: All That We Love Suddenly the light bulb went off. The only times I don't feel numb are when I am being impractical. ...

Dear Blackberry Curve: I wish it hadn't come to this, but I think it is just about time for us to part ways. I know, we have only been in business for a year, but I am just not happy with the service you have provided me. Yes, I was so excited to get you. My "refurbished" old curve just wasn't cutting the mustard anymore. Now I fear you have fallen into that same category. I don't mean to complain, and I hate to be a "laundry lister," but you: 1) Constantly clock or lock up (sometimes mid phone call or message) 2) You crash every couple days. 3) Sometimes it takes multiple reboots to get you to work right 4) You take crappy pictures. 5) I'm supposed to be able to tether with you, but you never work. I understand, some of this may not be totally your fault. I will be the first to admit, I cannot remember your where abouts during the accident. I had my purse in my lap as I was frantically trying to find my phone after we saw the tornado. W...

I 'll be the first to admit, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I didn't hate my job, but I was to the point where I couldn't grow in it anymore. I was bored, and I felt like I could do so much more at the college. I had applied for several promotions (most of them in Student Services) and I never made it far. I would sometimes get an interview, other times I wouldn't, but the phone call from HR was always the same. Every time it happened, I became more and more discouraged. I had even started interviewing outside the college. I didn't really want to leave, but I was running out of options. Then one day my boss told me that one of the people at Lawrence had taken a job in a another department. She mentioned that we would probably need to got out there (probably rotating) to help Carolyn. They had just hired a new part timer, but with Taranae leaving that left Carolyn to train the part timer and run the lab. A few days later, her (my boss's) boss c...

I blame this post on my sister who recently bought "The Emperor's New Groove" on DVD...and then telling us all about it on Facebook. She reminded me of the night we (my brother, sister, and my sister's friend/pastor's daughter) went to see it in the theater. The siblings and I are admittedly suckers for *most* Disney movies. I'm pretty sure the whole reason we wanted to see it was  this scene: Pacha : Uh-oh.   Kuzco : Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.   Pacha : Yep.   Kuzco : Sharp rocks at the bottom?   Pacha : Most likely.   Kuzco : Bring it on.   It sort of mirrored our family's luck and well it is a pretty awesome scene. While I was home for Christmas, we decided we were going to see the movie. Jenn (my sister's friend/pastor's daughter) spent tons of time with us that break, so we invited her to come along. We picked a day and time, and we were ready to go. All week long we looked forward to our movie ...

After 2 days of Mucinex, Excedrin Migraine, tons of water, and just choosing to focus on something else, my headache pretty much took me out of the game today. It didn't put me down for the count, but I'm just now feeling better after a day of living like a bat and not getting nearly as much done as planned. It all started Friday. I woke up with a 2 front headache: Sinus pressure in the maxillary sinuses and a tension headache from the knot in my shoulder. Basically, the two sets of pain meet behind my eyes.  I lost some ground Friday morning, but I  had too much to do. I was amazed by what a few drugs, water, and focusing on what needed to be done could do. That night, I was going to stay in and recover, but I decided to go out instead. It was amazing how focusing on my friends and having fun made the pain tolerable.  Saturday, worked both jobs and that kept me distracted from the  headache that typically would have set me back a bit. The only difference was this...

I used to love the rain. I loved to watch and listen to thunderstorms. It was a simple pleasure, but the rain relaxed me. I enjoyed the lightning. Even the thunder was a welcome sound. Now I didn't  like driving in the rain at night because my night vision sucks and the rain made it worse, but that was a downfall that was easy to deal with. Now I hate the rain, and I abhor thunderstorms. It has been almost a year, but both give me an anxiety I can't shake. It has gotten better, but it is a fear I can't seem to shake. Of course all this is made worse by being in a car. Driving in the rain, makes me anxious. Driving in a storm, makes me nauseous. I guess if both didn't mess with my ability to see, it wouldn't be as bad. I hate not being able to see what is in the road ahead of me. I don't like surprises. The bigger issue is: what I see in flashes of lightning. On the night of the accident, you could only see the tornado when the lightning would flash. Otherwis...

Courtesy of the writing prompt generator over at Mama Kat's. I have chronic insomnia. It started intermittently in junior high, and it was full blown by the end of my freshman year in high school. For years, I was drinking my weight in caffeine and going like the Energizer Bunny. I really was like Abby from NCIS and her Kaf Pow, but my poison was Dr. Pepper or Cherry Coke (whichever was readily available).  I remember being back stage at musical rehearsals with a 2 liter (yes a 2 liter) of Dr Pepper. I didn't drink it all in one night, but still it wasn't healthy. In college, a waiter at a restaurant we frequented just started bringing me my diet coke in 1 liter juice carafe. When I worked at Keynote, you could judge my day by how many cans of cherry coke were in my trash can. When we were on the road, I was usually driving, and was constantly caffeinating to keep on top of things. Of course this lead to me being jittery and cranky. My stomach hated me and pretty much a...

I am a bit of a TV snob. Most days if the TV is on, it is just for back ground noise. I have very few shows I *must* watch, and even less that would watch for hours on end. That is why my love for Law and Order Criminal Intent totally confuses me. I know I shouldn't  like the show, but I can't stop watching. It is like Burn Notice: I know it is a crapfest, but as soon as I see Goren and Eames, it is all over. The producers actually did me a favor when they took Goren and Eames out of the show. When they rotated weeks, I only watched their weeks. After they left the show, I stopped watching (now the rerun marathons on USA still suck me in at times). Now Goren and Eames are back for one last season, and you know I will be recording every last one of those episodes to watch in shame. Really, I don't like Goren. I did in the first few seasons, but the crazier and creepier the character became, the more he annoyed me. The character that actually gets me to tune in every ...

For Various Reasons, and in no particular order, these are the songs that will *always* get turned up and sang along with in the car.   Either Way -- Guster: Absolutely -- Nine Days Live in a Hiding Place -- Idlewild Life Got in the Way-- Sister Hazel Heaven is a Place on Earth -- Crack Jaw (sorry no link on this one. I've only ever heard this cover on 89X) Flagpole Sitta -- Harvey Danger Someone You Should Know -- Lisa Loeb In Between Days -- The Cure Barrel of a Gun -- Guster Everything to Me -- Liz Phair These songs are guaranteed to put a smile on my face even when I am having the day from hell. They each have special meanings to me...and maybe someday I will share them :). Did any of these surprise you?

Moving to Indianapolis. I really didn't have a plan. I just hoped things would work out once I got here. It wasn't easy, but I am glad I have my life here now. Ask me anything

Blogging is easy for me. In an attempt to start shaking up my writing, I decided to start doing a writing workshop and trying some new writing prompts. Trying to get my blog back up in shape has been harder than I thought it would be. I am feeling like writing again, but I need variety. It has been fun trying new topics. Still, I was always picking the safe ones. This week, the list came to my inbox and the one I was instantly drawn to was of course the easy one. However, there was another prompt that was nagging at me. "What I lack" Here is the deal: I don't want to always write about negative stuff. This would be a negative blog. That wasn't the worst of it. I knew it was a topic I would have a hard time putting into words. I don't want to be misunderstood, but I am just  not sure how to put some of these feelings in words I kept trying to convince myself it wasn't a good idea. I just couldn't shake it. I wrote the blog. It is far from the best thi...

I am always on the go, and my purse is my life line. There isn't much space, so I need to pick what goes in there pretty selectively. What makes the cut is pretty telling of who I am. 1) Wallet: White, Basic, and Overstuffed. Much like me 2) Lotion and perfume: I like smelling good 3) Headphones and my IPOD: love my music 4) Biotin (to make my hair grow faster), B-12 (energy), diet pills (duh), and birth control(sadly not so much for contraception these days) AKA: My morning cocktail. 5) Mucienex and Flonase: Yay allergy season! 6) Sunglasses: For my bat like light sensitivity 7) Glasses: For my craptastic night vision and tired days 8) Tanning glasses: for when I tan (and I need to start again soon) 9) Excedrin Migraine: The only thing that even puts a dent in the pain in my shoulder/back. Well aside from a person being here to help me work out some of the tension in the knot. 10)cough drops and mints: you never know when it will come in handy 11) Cellphone charger:...

Our Assessment Center handles lots of different tests. One of the things we proctor are tests for students who need ADA accomadations. Most students just need extra time, but some students also need their tests in an audio format. We have software that lets  us scan the test, and then it reads it. The catch is the software doesn't always read it in the right order, and sometimes it cannot read words or parts of a test correctly. In those cases, we have to tell the software the proper order and how things are actually pronounced. This really  isn't hard. Even on the advanced Chemistry tests, I could hold my own. I didn't remember all I had learned in high school and college. I couldn't answer the questions, but I could make the test read properly. This semester, the moment I had been dreading finally happened: we had math tests that needed converted to audio. This was a cruel twist of fate because: 1) I'm dyslexic 2) I hate...no I fear math. In third grade,...

I deal with a few test vendors at work. All of them have things I love about them, and of course things that make me batty. Most times, these things even each other out. However, there is an exception to this rule. We found it last week. One of our vendors completely revamped their website. I'm okay with the overhaul. It actually looks very nice. They just failed to mention the upgrade to any of their clients (epic fail #1).  We arrived Monday to discover we had a "new assessment handbook" to read before we could proctor this test. Really, there were not any changes we had to learn, so we went on with our day. Tuesday, we were proctoring this test again. One of our employees made a mistake. Our one ACT test has to be at a certain screen resolution. That test accounts for about 40-60 percent of our traffic most months. IT has set our default to that resolution. This other test has to be at another resolution. Our part timer forgot and did not change it. In the old vers...

Randomness that doesn't warrant it's own blog...but is worth mentioning. 1) As I mentioned on Twitter...my personal space rules *may not* be as clear to others as I had thought. There may need to be a refresher class taught. 2) Just because a garbage bag isn't full, doesn't mean I need to put more in it. I need to see how heavy it is first. Getting it to the dumpster: not a problem. Getting it in the dumpster, while I stand on my toes to hold the dumpster lid open with one arm is. 3) I really do love getting to know new friends. 4) I need new running shoes. 5) I really, really, really, do not like driving in dense fog. It is that whole not liking surprises issue. I like being able to see if there is something that can hurt me coming my way. 6) My birds do not handle change well. I tried to take away a cage they never use...and it did not go over well. 7) I can go the whole weekend without turning on the TV 8) Even after living here for almost 10 years, I'm ...

Home Computer: My tweetdeck screen. I know I have access to all those accounts on my phone, but I like being able to see them all in one place. At Work: My work e-mail. it is the first thing I tackle every morning. Ask me anything

I'm a reasonably patient person. However, I still cannot stand waiting in line for an unreasonable amount of time, Waiting twenty minutes in line at Best Buy *right* before Christmas is reasonable. Twenty minutes during most of the rest of the year not so much. Cedar Point - Sunset HDR I once spent 4 hours at the BMV and I only left with 3/4 of what I was there to do. I'm not sure *why* my birth certificate that was perfectly fine to get through customs and to get a passport was "too dark" for the state of Indiana. It was though. Lines like that make me crazy. I had to wait over an hour to be prescreened. Then another hour for my test. I was bounced back to prescreening who finally put me in the queue to speak with someone. Why? It was drawn out, and frustrating. There are a few things that are worth the horrendous lines: 1) Getting on a cruise ship. Come on. You are going on a cruise. Yes, the check in line is long, and that laptop you *had* to br...

Growing up wasn't so bad. There are many families that have/had it much worse than we could ever imagine. I had parents that loved me and supported me, and enough good luck to get us through the worst of things. Even in the "best" families, your role in that family unit is very telling of who you are as a person. Every child has that moment where they realize their "role" within their family. It may be a happy memory, or it could be one they wish they could forget. Mine wasn't traumatizing, but still not happy. I will never forget the day one parent asked me to help clean up a mess both parents had made...and not tell the other parent I knew about it or that I had helped.   Doing this one favor didn't seem like a big deal. I remember that is was hard because it was the first time I really saw my parents' faults. I knew they made mistakes, but I had never witnessed on this level before.Of course, it just wasn't one favor. I became the family...