Of Course I Hear Voices: I Own Parrots

I hate shopping. I hate shopping for me. I however do *love* giving gifts. I am not sure I am all that great at it, but I hope I get it somewhat right. I love it when I get it right and I can see the joy on the other person's face. I love being able to make others happy. It isn't for attention. I just genuinely like bringing joy to others. This year, I decided to be smart and get my Christmas shopping done early. I was successful at that goal. Between a pre-cyber Monday sale, Black Friday online shopping, actual Cyber Monday shopping and one well planned out trip to the mall, I was done. Then...it happened. The gift I wanted to buy for someone on my list was back in stock. The issue was if I bought something else for her, I had to be fair and buy another thing for her sister (to make it fair). Okay, we can do this. Well maybe if I could find something she might want...and that took a while. Maybe I was over thinking it. Maybe I shouldn't shop at 2:30 a.m. when I can...

My parents met at Christmas time. Mom was going caroling. Dad was probably planning to cause trouble. That's how it all began, and it is probably why they both loved Christmas so much. Last year, we made it through our first Christmas without Mom. It was hard, but it was still a good Christmas. Compared to the cluster that was Thanksgiving, it was a huge success. Dad wanted to go to Christmas Eve service, so we dressed him up and headed to Woodville. I remember asking him if he was hungry before we left. The answer was no. As soon as we hit the village limits, he says he's hungry and wants McDonalds. He was too embarrassed to go in, so we bought our food at the drive through and then ate in the parking lot. I found french fries all over that rental the next day. We made it to the church. They helped us to the handicap row, and all was well until the choir began to sing. My father completely lost it.  It was heartbreaking to see how much he missed Mom. This year, we wi...

How do I know he's the right one for me? He tells me I'm beautiful when I feel like I have been hit like a truck. He gets the car so I don't have to walk in the rain. He doesn't mind that my apartment isn't spotless. He makes me feel safe and loved. He can always make me smile. He always puts his kids first. He deals and even tries to make peace with my birds. He is always there for me. And the one that may seem silly to you is: He makes my coffee just right...every time. He got it right the first time. He gets it right every time.

It is that time of year again. Every year I put up my tree by myself. It is a tree that most years no one ever sees, but it is a tradition that is important to me. It symbolizes a holiday that both of my parent's loved. Every year I hope that maybe, someone will come over and see it this year, and maybe this will be the last year I have to do it alone.  This year, at least 1 person should see it, and there is a little well placed hope that maybe next year (even if I still live on my own) a new tradition could start. Every year the tree goes up. Last year it was minus some decorations Mom gave me because I just couldn't get them out of the box. I tried to get them out, but I just couldn't do it.  This year most of them have at least made it out of the box. I am not sure if they will make it to the tree, but at least they are out. Last year I couldn't look at them without crying. This year there was still a little hesitation, but it wasn't the gut wrenching feel...

Yesterday: 1) I had a vendor send me a invoice, for bills we had already paid. The invoice was printed and then not mailed  for 2 weeks...this is after months of  billing  issues. 2) The life insurance people who have been running me through the ringer sent me something via fed ex. I drove in the rain to pick it up and find out it is something they could have just told me over the phone....wtf. 3) The trip to fed ex effed up my evening plans. 4) things just didn't feel right Today 1) still feeling off 2) my evening plans changed because of the wind and snow...and my crappy night vision. I really don't want to wait until tomorrow to run my errands (it will cost me more for laundry and it will be harder for me to get stuff to and from the car, and I had maybe hoped that I could do something fun tomorrow). Am I frustrated? Yes. However, I have to keep focused on the good things. The things that make me smile. The things I look forward to. The people who mak...

Every year I put up a tree. I move furniture. I stress about placement. I hang a wreath on the door. Most years, the only person that sees it is me. It may seem like a waste of time to do all that work for no one to see. To me, it is my own tradition. It is something I do for me. I love coming home to the lights. It is a part of home I bring with me. It gives me a place to put my presents once they are wrapped. It reminds me of Mom and her tree in every room. It  is something I never want to lose. I like coming home to the lights and the wreath  on the door.

I hate shopping...and Christmas shopping usually freaks me out. This year...it has actually been fun. I started early with a pre cyber Monday (the Monday before) sale, (knocking out about 1/3 of my shopping for $82) On Black Friday, I took care of another 1/3...from bed...while watching hockey....again for well under $100 Today I took care of one more for  a steal Now I am down to 1.5 people to shop for. .5 will probably be taken care of tomorrow. 1 on the upcoming Friday. I have saved so much money and enjoyed being able to shop on my own time and terms. I have even picked up a few things I actually needed (jeans that fit, boots, things I'm not sharing) for steals with free shipping too. I am pretty excited :-), and I have enjoyed doing the research and finding amazing deals...and I will be done  with my shopping well ahead of the game this year.

This isn't much...just an idea that has been on my mind. There really is a feeling a peace when everything starts to fall into place. It isn't perfect. There will be complications...that is just how life works. It isn't easy or too good to be true. You had to work hard to get there. There were times where you weren't sure it was worth the risk, but you stuck it out. It is a new feeling. It is one without all the doubts and fears you have had in the past. It isn't waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is truly being content with where you are. You aren't just hopeful for the future: you are looking forward to the future. It is a great feeling, and I never want to lose it.

I typically do not carry cash...unless it is laundry day or I have just picked up cash *for* laundry day. Even then it is typically the exact amount I need for the laundromat. Yesterday I went to the grocery store...like I do most Mondays. There was someone doing collections for the Salvation Army outside the store. Every year I try to donate at least once but I have to make a concentrated effort to remember to grab extra cash to so. Yesterday I decided to get my meager donation done early this season and made sure I asked for extra cash back at checkout. I wasn't in the store very long, but when I came out, the Salvation Army person was gone. I was just going to hold on to it until I ran into another donation kettle. Then I saw a woman walking through the parking lot. She was near tears, not wearing a jacket, and looked a little distraught. It turns out she was out of gas, and had apparently lost her debit card...and had no way of getting home. She didn't need much. She ju...

This Thanksgiving will be different. 1) It is my first Thanksgiving that I will not be going home. 2) It is my first Thanksgiving without my Dad. I always had hoped that someday I would have a reason to not go home...not in a bad way. I had hoped to meet someone and to have the opportunity to start a new tradition. I have that this year. It will be a little bittersweet to not see my family, but I am looking forward to something new. The harder part will be that this will be my first Thanksgiving without my dad. The year of firsts when you lose a parent is always hard...sadly I know this first hand. We had just made it through our first year of holidays, birthdays and special events without Mom, and not even two months later we lost our dad. Now we have to do it all over again. As much fun I know I will have, I also know it will be a sad day for me. I knew last Thanksgiving, I would never have a family Thanksgiving like the one I had when Mom was still alive. Still, even with...

Today, I really miss my dad. I am not sure why, but today is one of those days where I am constantly reminded of him. On one hand, it is sad. On the other hand it comes at a time where I know I am starting to heal. I have never been a all about me kind of girl. I like taking care of people. I would feel guilty about buying clothes or doing other things for myself. Since Mom died it isn't just feeling guilty. Most of the time I just didn't care about taking care of me. I didn't feel like I had a reason for new clothes...even as lost wieght and my clothes became too big and not flattering. Cheap make up was just fine. Why did I need stuff for the apartment if I never had anyone over. Dad was my number one priority and he was really the only person I cared about. I am starting to care about me again. Losing Dad was hard, and I miss him and I miss him and Mom every day. I will never regret the time I spent making him my life. He deserved it, and more than I had to give. How...

A few months ago, I was faced with a choice. Option 1: Be selfish. Keep pushing what I wanted. Option 2: Be patient. Be a good friend. See what happens. Option 3: Just walk away. Option 1 results: May have had quicker results, but even if I got what I wanted it would probably end with me losing a great friend. Option 2 results: Could turn out great...could be disappointing. No promises, no guarantees and 100% honesty. Regardless, I would still have my friend in the end. Option 3 results: Probably get to keep my friend, but always left to wonder about the possibilities. Keep myself and my heart protected. After a pretty sleepless night on a couch in Anderson, I knew I had to make a choice. I was falling for him despite all my efforts not to. I really had tried. The timing was *all* wrong. I had spent so much time keeping myself safe...did I want to put myself out there again? There were no guarantees...and I had no idea how things would end. Your heart can't be broke...

Yes folks: This weekend Kelsey Officially Becomes a Hammitt. This of course has unofficially on the books for over a year. I met Kelsey on May 30, 2010. My mom and dad had a cookout at the parsonage. My sister had broken the sink, so Mom and I had to use the church's kitchen to make the potato salad. Adam, Amy and Mom were all sharing the CRV. Things were a little crazy, but we were taking the time to get the family together and enjoy the holiday weekend. Kelsey seemed nice, and I looked forward to getting to know her better.A week later she was sitting with us in that maternity suite at Bay Park (they do not use their maternity ward, so they had us staying there after the tornado). She stayed with us all night.  She was there for support when we told Dad about Mom. She was there for us when our lives were a mess. Not just anyone would have stuck around. That alone made her family.  She has been "one of us" in our hearts for over a year, but now Adam and Kelsey are ...