Of Course I Hear Voices: I Own Parrots

This post is brought to you in part by Mama Kat's Writing Workshop: Twinkie Delight This is a recipe my mom actually stole from her college roommate. It is super simple, but it was always a favorite at any potluck, awards dessert....etc that we took it to. My brother actually used to tell other people it was gross so that there would be some to take home. What you need: 2 boxes of twinkies 2 boxes of instant pudding (any flavor...if I am making it just for me: butterscotch making it for other people I go with half chocolate half vanilla) at least 1 container of cool whip a big bag of your candy of choice (the original recipe is heath bar, but I always use reeses pieces...because I love peanut butter) a cake  pan How you make it: Cut enough twinkies in half long ways Line the bottom of the cake pan with the bottom half of the twinkies. Put pudding on top of the twinkies. Add a light layer of cool whip Put the tops of the twinkies on the cool whip Cover the twin...

This is a busy week for me. I have lots of errands and things on my plate. Knowing this, I made a plan for the week, prepped a healthy dinner, and thought we were good to go. Yesterday: was insane, but stayed on target Today: My cell phone battery has been worrying me for a while  now. It would take a little to long to charge, stop charging in the middle of the night, and the battery would die quicker than I thought it should. At some point last night, it stopped liking wall chargers, and car chargers completely. It says it is charging while connected to the USB cord, but it isn't actually charging. I've done the troubleshooting thing. Nothing has worked. That means instead of what was on the agenda for after work: I have to go to a repair store, get a new battery (although the provider has already comped the battery), and have them see if it is more than a battery issue.  I made an appointment, but still that throws everything off. They have you make appointments an...

I received paperwork from the lawyer today. It is our game plan for the estate proceedings and the trust.  It is hard on a few counts. One, seeing "the Norman Hammitt estate" just makes me sad. Two, between the trust and the estate, I have a lot of work ahead of me. My siblings also got a copy of the letter. I am sure it stressed out my sister as it told us (again) we need to sell the house before the end of the year and we cannot distribute the trust until that is done. Really, the lawyer did my dirty work for me. I was going to send out something saying the same thing tonight. I keep saying I don't know what I am doing, but really I do. I might not have all the steps down, but I know as long as I stay organized and pay attention to the details, we will ride this out just fine. It is a little overwhelming, there are risks, and I am sure I will need a drink or two before this is all over. I have to put myself out there for this. Hiding behind my wall is just going to m...

I'm female, so of course that answer is complicated. Really it depends. I can be ready in 20 minutes if I'm not really motivated to look good. However, it can take more like an hour if I'm trying to impress someone. I get that if the person I'm trying to impress honestly likes me they will think I'm beautiful after a long day of work, a day out and about, or with only 20 minutes of prep. However, I refer you back to my initial statement: I'm female. It is part of our inherent craziness that we obsess about being as perfect as we can. Ask me anything

I ran across this in my phone (while looking for something else. ) today. It isn't the greatest picture I have ever taken, but it is moment I will never forget: it was a perfect moment. It was the day of my dad's funeral. My life was messy. I was sad. I missed and needed my friends. It wasn't a perfect day. That night I came back to the Woodville house and found that one of the white roses from the funeral was perfectly open. I had to get a picture. It was simple, but it made me smile. It was just a brief moment of joy, but it was exactly what I needed.

This morning did not go well for me. I had to go into work early to take care of an issue with one of our students. First, I woke up at 4:00 and couldn't get back to sleep because I was afraid I was going to sleep though my alarm. I didn't, but pretty much anything else that could go wrong did go wrong. By the time I arrived at work, I was pretty tightly wound. Everything felt wrong until the moment where I knew the student I came in early for thanked me for all my help. Yes, the rest of the morning was rough, but I had been successful in helping the student. This was never about me: it was about what doing what was right. I almost let my selfishness ruin a perfectly good encouraging moment: sometimes you have to realize it isn't about you. The reason I love my job is because I get to help our students. It is about them being successful not about my crappy morning. There are certainly times where you need to take care of yourself, but you also need to be able to recogni...

I'm trying to have more fun with my blog. What do you want to know about me? Ask away! http://formspring.me/jhammitt

I can't decide so: 1.) Locked out. (inspired by  Runner Mom ) 2.) Write about a time you wanted  to disappear. (inspired by  Stacey's Mothering Moments ) 3.) An inappropriate time to laugh.  Which one should I do? I will take votes until 5:0 est tomorrow Thanks!

I have been sleeping worse than usual over the past week. I'm not sure why, but even the things that typically make me sleep better haven't worked. When I'm this tired, I am just not myself. I'm cranky I have no attention span I'm easily overwhelmed Crap that should never make me cry, puts me in tears...and then I feel like an idiot for crying at all I just want something to make me feel better... but everything I try just makes me feel worse I'm paranoid that I have done things wrong  Really, I'm no good to anyone like this. Still I have to try. There is too much to do for me to be totally useless. Sitting around feeling totally sorry for my self  isn't going to make anything better. I have decisions to make and to stand by. Even when I am scared, and not totally sure what to do, I need to muster up some focus and listen to my instincts. 

As I sat awake in bed last night, there were many things going through my head: getting everything done for my brother's wedding, the house, making a firm deadline for the auction of the house, my sister and how that will effect her, and suddenly a thought popped into my head: You know, I might not go to Ohio for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure where that came from, and possibly more frightening: I thought Ohio...not home. On 9/20/2001, I packed up the car and moved to Indianapolis. I didn't have a plan. I really didn't even have a place to live. I was just taking the opportunity to get out of Woodville and Northwest Ohio. Almost ten years later, I am still here. I always still referred to Ohio has home because that is where my parents were. I guess * technically* they still are there, but it very obviously isn't the same. By the end of the year, we will not even have a "family home" (btw: this is a good thing. I'm seriously looking forward to one less ...

It isn't quite fall yet, but it is quickly approaching. Fall, by far is my favorite season...well until it gets really cold.   Here's why: I dress for fall year round...at least now it is appropriate Perfect running weather Sweater boots Heeled Boots My dark nail polish is in season The leaves changing color Halloween Hot apple cider (with or without spiced rum) Its socially acceptable to be paleish Football season

Even when things suck, the dream of something better is what keeps me going. There has to be something to look forward to, even if it is something little. Even one good day can be enough to keep that little bit of hope alive. Ask me anything

You would think I was gone for a week...not less than 30 hours. They will sulk up there and give me the cold shoulder for a while.  One or two might hold a grudge and start knocking things over...because you know they have it so hard here.

All the makings of a perfect storm: 1) Hours of Sleep: 0 2) Pain level of headache: Hurts to keep eyes open 3) My already somewhat numb yet overwhelmed state. 4) Hey Jennifer Meterion didn't send us this paperwork can you send it to us? 5) Hey Jennifer, good news, we are doing X with the trust, bad news we haven't processed your probate paperwork because of Y 6) Hey Jennifer, I have to talk to you about this mess that isn't yours, but we know you are cleaning up. 4,5 and 6 happened within about 45 minutes of each other.  I was nearly ready to kick kittens. Then I remembered: football is on tonight...and tomorrow is not just a day off, but a day where I get my hair and my nails done (2 things I do just for me). They may not be big things, but they are little things that make me smile, maybe laugh and feel a little bit more human than I do on a daily basis. 

Dear Lawrence Library Staff-- I understand why you bought the creepy arse life sized  card board cut out of Edward from the Twilight movies. Yeah I get that the Twilight books are this huge sensation, and for some reason throngs of people love them and the movies they have spawned. Really, I do.This isn't a "Why the Twilight series is utter crap" post (it is a bit late in the game for that. I really wouldn't have anything totally original to say). Still, I think you have crossed the line. However, it was scary enough when you were keeping "Edward" in the Library Classroom. Every time I walked into that room, that damn cut out scared me. It was even worse if I was alone and the one turning on the light. I knew it was there, but it still was creepy enough. Now, it is ridiculous. You have it out in the entry way with a sign on how to use a print card. Every time I walk by your sliding glass door, I can see it in all it's awkwardly creepy glory. I'm ...

Most ( ok I can only speak for me, and my friends who have daughters) have a special bond that I can't really explain. I know that I was my father's world when I look at these: Fact: we are probably watching football first Christmas...and my own Santa Live Nativity scene...in the cold.... I'm finally home (we had to stay at the hospital for a while since I decided to be a July baby, not a September baby) No matter how old I was, or how sick he  was I was always his baby girl. You saw it when I stormed into his room and ordered him to get better (after the tornado)...because at that moment he chose to fight. You saw it when he refused to let me give up my life here in Indy and move back to Ohio. You saw it when I arrived at the hospital on that Thursday night and his vitals went up. You saw it when he would panic whenever I would leave his side that Saturday night at Hospice. It is the reason I wouldn't let him out of my sight that Saturday ni...

I may not get to do Halloween this year. I am beyond disappointed. It is the last of my "favorite" holidays that I doesn't make me sad anymore.  Yes...it is for my brother's wedding, so I shouldn't complain too much. Still, I couldn't help myself from looking at costumes. I know I was Alice 2 years ago, but I was thinking of doing things a little differently this year: I think I might like the first one the best. Although the second one comes with the gloves...I already have shoes and/or boots, and I would just use my own hair.

I heard this song on the way home today: It's a song I have been listening too all summer...just because it is so catchy and well I love Pink.  Today it really reminded me of building walls. We build walls to keep people out. We build walls to keep ourselves safe. In my life, they have certainly been a necessary evil. Sometimes you just need a little space, to keep some secrets, or to be a little sheltered from the elements. Walls also have their challenges. They can't protect you from everything. Sometimes you just aren't ready to let it down, even though there is hope it will turn out okay. If you take it down too soon, things may go very badly. Sometimes you just have to play things by ear...and if you are on the other side of the wall: be patient. 

Fear is an amazing emotion. It can motivate you. It can hinder you. It can make you into something you hate. It can make you a better person.  Yes, it can do good things and bad things, and it is much easier to let the bad things win. It takes an effort and sometimes an extraordinary amount of drive to overcome it. It takes virtually nothing to let it consume you.  I have a laundry list of things I fear, and recently it has been really hard to not let those things get me down. It is easy to let the insecurities win out when you feel lost. Still, it all comes down to a choice. Some of the insecurities may even be true, but even with that there is still a choice. I can let it overwhelm me, or I can face it and fight it. I decided last weekend ( as I mentioned on here Monday ) to fight it. I just didn't realize what I was choosing to do. I decided to stop letting my sadness, loneliness  and anxiety run my life, but the underlying cause of those negative feelings...

It is another nursing application deadline. It is exciting, and a bit stressful as all the last minute testers try to get in and test high enough to get into the program. It is like a much more intense late registration. These students many times have their future plans on the line. They have come to school to be a nurse, and they have to test well to get into our program. It is easy to get annoyed with these last minute testers. They can be rude, unprepared, and fail to listen to basic directions (IE "what calculator can I use" after they have been told and theoretically they have read 3 times, AND signed that they understood that calculators are prohibited). They break rules, act entitled and a very select few throw temper tantrums. Some of that can be wiped away by the joy that students find when they know they tested well, or even that they tested high enough to apply. Those are the happy moments. The hardest moments are when the student tests below the cut off, o...