Of Course I Hear Voices: I Own Parrots

Courtesy of the writing prompt generator over at Mama Kat's. I have chronic insomnia. It started intermittently in junior high, and it was full blown by the end of my freshman year in high school. For years, I was drinking my weight in caffeine and going like the Energizer Bunny. I really was like Abby from NCIS and her Kaf Pow, but my poison was Dr. Pepper or Cherry Coke (whichever was readily available).  I remember being back stage at musical rehearsals with a 2 liter (yes a 2 liter) of Dr Pepper. I didn't drink it all in one night, but still it wasn't healthy. In college, a waiter at a restaurant we frequented just started bringing me my diet coke in 1 liter juice carafe. When I worked at Keynote, you could judge my day by how many cans of cherry coke were in my trash can. When we were on the road, I was usually driving, and was constantly caffeinating to keep on top of things. Of course this lead to me being jittery and cranky. My stomach hated me and pretty much a...

I am a bit of a TV snob. Most days if the TV is on, it is just for back ground noise. I have very few shows I *must* watch, and even less that would watch for hours on end. That is why my love for Law and Order Criminal Intent totally confuses me. I know I shouldn't  like the show, but I can't stop watching. It is like Burn Notice: I know it is a crapfest, but as soon as I see Goren and Eames, it is all over. The producers actually did me a favor when they took Goren and Eames out of the show. When they rotated weeks, I only watched their weeks. After they left the show, I stopped watching (now the rerun marathons on USA still suck me in at times). Now Goren and Eames are back for one last season, and you know I will be recording every last one of those episodes to watch in shame. Really, I don't like Goren. I did in the first few seasons, but the crazier and creepier the character became, the more he annoyed me. The character that actually gets me to tune in every ...

For Various Reasons, and in no particular order, these are the songs that will *always* get turned up and sang along with in the car.   Either Way -- Guster: Absolutely -- Nine Days Live in a Hiding Place -- Idlewild Life Got in the Way-- Sister Hazel Heaven is a Place on Earth -- Crack Jaw (sorry no link on this one. I've only ever heard this cover on 89X) Flagpole Sitta -- Harvey Danger Someone You Should Know -- Lisa Loeb In Between Days -- The Cure Barrel of a Gun -- Guster Everything to Me -- Liz Phair These songs are guaranteed to put a smile on my face even when I am having the day from hell. They each have special meanings to me...and maybe someday I will share them :). Did any of these surprise you?

Moving to Indianapolis. I really didn't have a plan. I just hoped things would work out once I got here. It wasn't easy, but I am glad I have my life here now. Ask me anything

Blogging is easy for me. In an attempt to start shaking up my writing, I decided to start doing a writing workshop and trying some new writing prompts. Trying to get my blog back up in shape has been harder than I thought it would be. I am feeling like writing again, but I need variety. It has been fun trying new topics. Still, I was always picking the safe ones. This week, the list came to my inbox and the one I was instantly drawn to was of course the easy one. However, there was another prompt that was nagging at me. "What I lack" Here is the deal: I don't want to always write about negative stuff. This would be a negative blog. That wasn't the worst of it. I knew it was a topic I would have a hard time putting into words. I don't want to be misunderstood, but I am just  not sure how to put some of these feelings in words I kept trying to convince myself it wasn't a good idea. I just couldn't shake it. I wrote the blog. It is far from the best thi...

I am always on the go, and my purse is my life line. There isn't much space, so I need to pick what goes in there pretty selectively. What makes the cut is pretty telling of who I am. 1) Wallet: White, Basic, and Overstuffed. Much like me 2) Lotion and perfume: I like smelling good 3) Headphones and my IPOD: love my music 4) Biotin (to make my hair grow faster), B-12 (energy), diet pills (duh), and birth control(sadly not so much for contraception these days) AKA: My morning cocktail. 5) Mucienex and Flonase: Yay allergy season! 6) Sunglasses: For my bat like light sensitivity 7) Glasses: For my craptastic night vision and tired days 8) Tanning glasses: for when I tan (and I need to start again soon) 9) Excedrin Migraine: The only thing that even puts a dent in the pain in my shoulder/back. Well aside from a person being here to help me work out some of the tension in the knot. 10)cough drops and mints: you never know when it will come in handy 11) Cellphone charger:...

Our Assessment Center handles lots of different tests. One of the things we proctor are tests for students who need ADA accomadations. Most students just need extra time, but some students also need their tests in an audio format. We have software that lets  us scan the test, and then it reads it. The catch is the software doesn't always read it in the right order, and sometimes it cannot read words or parts of a test correctly. In those cases, we have to tell the software the proper order and how things are actually pronounced. This really  isn't hard. Even on the advanced Chemistry tests, I could hold my own. I didn't remember all I had learned in high school and college. I couldn't answer the questions, but I could make the test read properly. This semester, the moment I had been dreading finally happened: we had math tests that needed converted to audio. This was a cruel twist of fate because: 1) I'm dyslexic 2) I hate...no I fear math. In third grade,...

I deal with a few test vendors at work. All of them have things I love about them, and of course things that make me batty. Most times, these things even each other out. However, there is an exception to this rule. We found it last week. One of our vendors completely revamped their website. I'm okay with the overhaul. It actually looks very nice. They just failed to mention the upgrade to any of their clients (epic fail #1).  We arrived Monday to discover we had a "new assessment handbook" to read before we could proctor this test. Really, there were not any changes we had to learn, so we went on with our day. Tuesday, we were proctoring this test again. One of our employees made a mistake. Our one ACT test has to be at a certain screen resolution. That test accounts for about 40-60 percent of our traffic most months. IT has set our default to that resolution. This other test has to be at another resolution. Our part timer forgot and did not change it. In the old vers...

Randomness that doesn't warrant it's own blog...but is worth mentioning. 1) As I mentioned on Twitter...my personal space rules *may not* be as clear to others as I had thought. There may need to be a refresher class taught. 2) Just because a garbage bag isn't full, doesn't mean I need to put more in it. I need to see how heavy it is first. Getting it to the dumpster: not a problem. Getting it in the dumpster, while I stand on my toes to hold the dumpster lid open with one arm is. 3) I really do love getting to know new friends. 4) I need new running shoes. 5) I really, really, really, do not like driving in dense fog. It is that whole not liking surprises issue. I like being able to see if there is something that can hurt me coming my way. 6) My birds do not handle change well. I tried to take away a cage they never use...and it did not go over well. 7) I can go the whole weekend without turning on the TV 8) Even after living here for almost 10 years, I'm ...

Home Computer: My tweetdeck screen. I know I have access to all those accounts on my phone, but I like being able to see them all in one place. At Work: My work e-mail. it is the first thing I tackle every morning. Ask me anything

I'm a reasonably patient person. However, I still cannot stand waiting in line for an unreasonable amount of time, Waiting twenty minutes in line at Best Buy *right* before Christmas is reasonable. Twenty minutes during most of the rest of the year not so much. Cedar Point - Sunset HDR I once spent 4 hours at the BMV and I only left with 3/4 of what I was there to do. I'm not sure *why* my birth certificate that was perfectly fine to get through customs and to get a passport was "too dark" for the state of Indiana. It was though. Lines like that make me crazy. I had to wait over an hour to be prescreened. Then another hour for my test. I was bounced back to prescreening who finally put me in the queue to speak with someone. Why? It was drawn out, and frustrating. There are a few things that are worth the horrendous lines: 1) Getting on a cruise ship. Come on. You are going on a cruise. Yes, the check in line is long, and that laptop you *had* to br...

Growing up wasn't so bad. There are many families that have/had it much worse than we could ever imagine. I had parents that loved me and supported me, and enough good luck to get us through the worst of things. Even in the "best" families, your role in that family unit is very telling of who you are as a person. Every child has that moment where they realize their "role" within their family. It may be a happy memory, or it could be one they wish they could forget. Mine wasn't traumatizing, but still not happy. I will never forget the day one parent asked me to help clean up a mess both parents had made...and not tell the other parent I knew about it or that I had helped.   Doing this one favor didn't seem like a big deal. I remember that is was hard because it was the first time I really saw my parents' faults. I knew they made mistakes, but I had never witnessed on this level before.Of course, it just wasn't one favor. I became the family...

It's cliched, but one of the biggest reasons I blog is because it like therapy for me. It isn't that my life is all doom and gloom. Really, it is more that I almost always have tons of ideas floating around in my head. Blogging lets me write it down, work it through and sometimes even helps me make sense of the boggled mess in my head. I know that: Some people do not agree with my opinion Some people may be offended by what I have to say Some people will think blogs are all about them...when 99% of the time my blogs aren't about a specific person other than me. Out of context, some of the things I say sound crazy Not everyone gets the best way to know me is to read what I write. I write about whatever is on my mind...and that is always a crazy mix. It could be something that just happened today, or it could be something that happened months ago that sets me off. Writing generally helps me understand the things that stress me out. That being said, just because it ...

About 10 years ago I was touring (as the sound/light tech) with the band Laredo. We had a weekend gig at the race track at Talladega during the April NASCAR race. Yes, I was a fish out of water...but it was an interesting weekend. Our hosts had put us up in this Baptist Church camp (you never knew where hosts were going to place you). Really all we were doing was sleeping there so it wasn't that bad. This was a camp, in Alabama, so I had come to terms with the fact I *probably* didn't want to look under the mattresses (damn cockroaches). However, that wasn't the only creepy visitor we had in our cabin. After a long day at the track, we returned to the camp. We had to be back early the next day, so we were going to take our showers before we went to bed. The first girls went back to shower and I patiently waited my turn. After a while, my friend Leah came out and asked Laura and I to take a look at something for her. Leah, didn't have her contacts in and thought she ...

This isn't much, but it is a lesson I learned a couple months ago. Tonight I just couldn't get it off my mind. Maybe it is because I was reminded of the person who made me learn the lesson. I don't know. It isn't all warm and fuzzy, but I think I'm better for learning it. Sometimes you just have to let go and see what happens. When nothing you can do will change the situation, why keep setting yourself up to get hurt? Let go. Walk away. Let things run their course. Yeah, you may not get what you want, but it isn't always about you. Okay folks, it is time to get ready for work.

 Everything to Me, Liz Phair: http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/307506193 I am going to warn you upfront. This makes *no* sense at all. Really it doesn't. Typically, if I find a song I just have to play on repeat there is a blatantly obvious reason. The lyrics typically say it all. One look at the words predictably "speak to" what ever is going on in my life. Whether it is my lack luster self esteem, my family, my friends or some guy (which based on most of my past choices this song would be perfect for...but not so much right now). I blame Pandora. They put Liz Phair's Why Can't I on my Sister Hazel channel...which led me to learn and sing said song (I'm always looking for "new" songs and it was catchy and in my range). I decided perhaps I could learn more of her songs (since again her range is kind of perfect for me). I made a Liz Phair station and added it to my quick mix. Everything to Me came on today and I was suddenly in love with i...

If you really know me, you should know: I love to buy shoes, but I don't like wearing them. I hate being the center of attention, but I hate feeling totally invisible.  If I consider you a friend, I'll do just about anything for you.  Taking care of people might be the one thing I do best. I am pretty particular about my personal rules...if I break one there is a good reason I usually only take a risk if the only person who will get hurt is me. I get bored easily. I hate feeling alone. The only thing I really want is  for people to actually get me. I love horror movies. If you want to know anything else..ask.

Sunday morning: I felt fine. I was tired (and too lazy to do my hair). My stomach hurt, but it had hurt pretty much all week. By Sunday night:I was miserable. My head was swimming with everything I have going on. My shoulder was throbbing and I was working on another tension headache. I hadn't really eaten much since Monday. I was just not hungry and every thing I forced myself to eat just made me sick. That includes what I had made myself for dinner. It wasn't pretty folks. My week really hadn't been that bad. It was a culmination of a couple weeks events, stress, disappointments and this numb feeling I just can't shake. Even with all the good things (which there were many) thrown in, I just could not kick this growing bad feeling. It was like everything was hitting me at once, and my body was just throwing in the towel. As I sat on my couch feeling super sorry for myself, it occurred to me: I was breaking my own rule: Pick Your Battles Carefully. I was trying to t...

Why do you do nice things for people? What is the pay off? Why do you care? I'm good at taking care of people. Really, I am. I get this odd joy out of being a good friend. I want my friends to be happy. It kills me to watch anyone I care about go through a rough time. I will be there in a heartbeat to be supportive. I will go out of my way to help. I will rearrange things to make a situation work. I'm not just saying that to point out "good stuff" I do. I honestly get joy from seeing the people in my life being safe, happy, and cared for. If I offer to do you favor, there typically isn't any malicious intent. I really just want to help. I may not have much to offer the world, but I can at least take care of my friends and family. Then I see other people who at the surface seem to be on the same page. However, when I look a little closer I see their true intentions. They don't so much care about the people they are helping, but how it makes them look. Don...

For the past ten months, I have desperately tried to find my "new normal." I am not doing such a great job. Admittedly, at first there was tons of emotional things to work through. Then it was just getting back to the basics. That took months. Now, I am trying to figure out who I have become and what that means for my future. This past Saturday night was this odd combination of the old and new. I found myself out with my friends. Some of it was like old times. We laughed, sang, and had a great time. By the end of the night I was sober and helping take care of some of my more overbeveraged friends. I like taking care of people. It is the one thing I do well. It makes them happy, and typically it makes me happy. Saturday night there were some crazy moments, but I was more than happy to help. Then there was that twinge of the new normal: There is nothing quite like finding yourself throwing up in a shrub in the Pizza Hut parking lot. Even though my friends know the song ...