Of Course I Hear Voices: I Own Parrots

Randomness that doesn't warrant it's own blog...but is worth mentioning. 1) As I mentioned on Twitter...my personal space rules *may not* be as clear to others as I had thought. There may need to be a refresher class taught. 2) Just because a garbage bag isn't full, doesn't mean I need to put more in it. I need to see how heavy it is first. Getting it to the dumpster: not a problem. Getting it in the dumpster, while I stand on my toes to hold the dumpster lid open with one arm is. 3) I really do love getting to know new friends. 4) I need new running shoes. 5) I really, really, really, do not like driving in dense fog. It is that whole not liking surprises issue. I like being able to see if there is something that can hurt me coming my way. 6) My birds do not handle change well. I tried to take away a cage they never use...and it did not go over well. 7) I can go the whole weekend without turning on the TV 8) Even after living here for almost 10 years, I'm ...

Home Computer: My tweetdeck screen. I know I have access to all those accounts on my phone, but I like being able to see them all in one place. At Work: My work e-mail. it is the first thing I tackle every morning. Ask me anything

I'm a reasonably patient person. However, I still cannot stand waiting in line for an unreasonable amount of time, Waiting twenty minutes in line at Best Buy *right* before Christmas is reasonable. Twenty minutes during most of the rest of the year not so much. Cedar Point - Sunset HDR I once spent 4 hours at the BMV and I only left with 3/4 of what I was there to do. I'm not sure *why* my birth certificate that was perfectly fine to get through customs and to get a passport was "too dark" for the state of Indiana. It was though. Lines like that make me crazy. I had to wait over an hour to be prescreened. Then another hour for my test. I was bounced back to prescreening who finally put me in the queue to speak with someone. Why? It was drawn out, and frustrating. There are a few things that are worth the horrendous lines: 1) Getting on a cruise ship. Come on. You are going on a cruise. Yes, the check in line is long, and that laptop you *had* to br...

Growing up wasn't so bad. There are many families that have/had it much worse than we could ever imagine. I had parents that loved me and supported me, and enough good luck to get us through the worst of things. Even in the "best" families, your role in that family unit is very telling of who you are as a person. Every child has that moment where they realize their "role" within their family. It may be a happy memory, or it could be one they wish they could forget. Mine wasn't traumatizing, but still not happy. I will never forget the day one parent asked me to help clean up a mess both parents had made...and not tell the other parent I knew about it or that I had helped.   Doing this one favor didn't seem like a big deal. I remember that is was hard because it was the first time I really saw my parents' faults. I knew they made mistakes, but I had never witnessed on this level before.Of course, it just wasn't one favor. I became the family...

It's cliched, but one of the biggest reasons I blog is because it like therapy for me. It isn't that my life is all doom and gloom. Really, it is more that I almost always have tons of ideas floating around in my head. Blogging lets me write it down, work it through and sometimes even helps me make sense of the boggled mess in my head. I know that: Some people do not agree with my opinion Some people may be offended by what I have to say Some people will think blogs are all about them...when 99% of the time my blogs aren't about a specific person other than me. Out of context, some of the things I say sound crazy Not everyone gets the best way to know me is to read what I write. I write about whatever is on my mind...and that is always a crazy mix. It could be something that just happened today, or it could be something that happened months ago that sets me off. Writing generally helps me understand the things that stress me out. That being said, just because it ...

About 10 years ago I was touring (as the sound/light tech) with the band Laredo. We had a weekend gig at the race track at Talladega during the April NASCAR race. Yes, I was a fish out of water...but it was an interesting weekend. Our hosts had put us up in this Baptist Church camp (you never knew where hosts were going to place you). Really all we were doing was sleeping there so it wasn't that bad. This was a camp, in Alabama, so I had come to terms with the fact I *probably* didn't want to look under the mattresses (damn cockroaches). However, that wasn't the only creepy visitor we had in our cabin. After a long day at the track, we returned to the camp. We had to be back early the next day, so we were going to take our showers before we went to bed. The first girls went back to shower and I patiently waited my turn. After a while, my friend Leah came out and asked Laura and I to take a look at something for her. Leah, didn't have her contacts in and thought she ...

This isn't much, but it is a lesson I learned a couple months ago. Tonight I just couldn't get it off my mind. Maybe it is because I was reminded of the person who made me learn the lesson. I don't know. It isn't all warm and fuzzy, but I think I'm better for learning it. Sometimes you just have to let go and see what happens. When nothing you can do will change the situation, why keep setting yourself up to get hurt? Let go. Walk away. Let things run their course. Yeah, you may not get what you want, but it isn't always about you. Okay folks, it is time to get ready for work.

 Everything to Me, Liz Phair: http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/307506193 I am going to warn you upfront. This makes *no* sense at all. Really it doesn't. Typically, if I find a song I just have to play on repeat there is a blatantly obvious reason. The lyrics typically say it all. One look at the words predictably "speak to" what ever is going on in my life. Whether it is my lack luster self esteem, my family, my friends or some guy (which based on most of my past choices this song would be perfect for...but not so much right now). I blame Pandora. They put Liz Phair's Why Can't I on my Sister Hazel channel...which led me to learn and sing said song (I'm always looking for "new" songs and it was catchy and in my range). I decided perhaps I could learn more of her songs (since again her range is kind of perfect for me). I made a Liz Phair station and added it to my quick mix. Everything to Me came on today and I was suddenly in love with i...

If you really know me, you should know: I love to buy shoes, but I don't like wearing them. I hate being the center of attention, but I hate feeling totally invisible.  If I consider you a friend, I'll do just about anything for you.  Taking care of people might be the one thing I do best. I am pretty particular about my personal rules...if I break one there is a good reason I usually only take a risk if the only person who will get hurt is me. I get bored easily. I hate feeling alone. The only thing I really want is  for people to actually get me. I love horror movies. If you want to know anything else..ask.

Sunday morning: I felt fine. I was tired (and too lazy to do my hair). My stomach hurt, but it had hurt pretty much all week. By Sunday night:I was miserable. My head was swimming with everything I have going on. My shoulder was throbbing and I was working on another tension headache. I hadn't really eaten much since Monday. I was just not hungry and every thing I forced myself to eat just made me sick. That includes what I had made myself for dinner. It wasn't pretty folks. My week really hadn't been that bad. It was a culmination of a couple weeks events, stress, disappointments and this numb feeling I just can't shake. Even with all the good things (which there were many) thrown in, I just could not kick this growing bad feeling. It was like everything was hitting me at once, and my body was just throwing in the towel. As I sat on my couch feeling super sorry for myself, it occurred to me: I was breaking my own rule: Pick Your Battles Carefully. I was trying to t...

Why do you do nice things for people? What is the pay off? Why do you care? I'm good at taking care of people. Really, I am. I get this odd joy out of being a good friend. I want my friends to be happy. It kills me to watch anyone I care about go through a rough time. I will be there in a heartbeat to be supportive. I will go out of my way to help. I will rearrange things to make a situation work. I'm not just saying that to point out "good stuff" I do. I honestly get joy from seeing the people in my life being safe, happy, and cared for. If I offer to do you favor, there typically isn't any malicious intent. I really just want to help. I may not have much to offer the world, but I can at least take care of my friends and family. Then I see other people who at the surface seem to be on the same page. However, when I look a little closer I see their true intentions. They don't so much care about the people they are helping, but how it makes them look. Don...

For the past ten months, I have desperately tried to find my "new normal." I am not doing such a great job. Admittedly, at first there was tons of emotional things to work through. Then it was just getting back to the basics. That took months. Now, I am trying to figure out who I have become and what that means for my future. This past Saturday night was this odd combination of the old and new. I found myself out with my friends. Some of it was like old times. We laughed, sang, and had a great time. By the end of the night I was sober and helping take care of some of my more overbeveraged friends. I like taking care of people. It is the one thing I do well. It makes them happy, and typically it makes me happy. Saturday night there were some crazy moments, but I was more than happy to help. Then there was that twinge of the new normal: There is nothing quite like finding yourself throwing up in a shrub in the Pizza Hut parking lot. Even though my friends know the song ...

Dear Attention Span: I know I haven't treated you well. All the Sesame Street and MTV we watched in my youth did substantial damage.Still, you hung in there for many years. We even made it all the way through college. Now I feel like you are slipping away. Maybe it is because I don't sleep. Maybe it is because I'm always working on something. I don't know, but I miss you. 1) I get bored way too easily. 2) Somedays I just can't seem to get my focus. Like today, I am working on our finals schedule. Admittedly, it isn't the most exciting thing, but it has been hard to stay on task. My mind won't stop running. I'm not worrying or thinking about things I *should* be concerned about. Oh no. It is just random distractions. One second I'm figuring how many students we can test in one day. The next I'm trying to see if I can swing a long weekend in May to go to a concert (which I can't btw..so sad). Don't get me wrong. Part of my (what we...

There  are few things I am totally certain about anymore. Before our accident, I thought I was starting to make sense of things. I thought I knew who I was, and what I deserved. I thought that maybe I had a chance to be normal person. Yeah, all the things I wanted for myself at 20 never came true, but maybe at 30 I could make it happen. Then life happened. Now there are *TONS* of things I don't know. Many of which are covered pretty extensively on this blog. We won't go there today. More importantly, the three things I do know are the ones that keep me going. I'm not the same person I was before. I am just not. I'm not sure if it is better or worse, but I am finally accepting that I have changed. I may never have the things I dreamed of when I was in college. I won't be normal. I may never deserve the life I thought I could have before the accident.  Occasionally, it is okay to be selfish. I'm not saying I am going to run out and be a self absorbed PIA. ...

Sleep? What's Sleep? I really do not sleep well. I have a hard time falling asleep. Between tons of stuff on my mind and my back being sore I guess I just can't settle down enough.Once it does happen, I usually only sleep for a hour or so. It is nice sometimes because it means I can get more things done. Other times it is rough because I am mentally exhausted, but just can't rest. Every few weeks I have one day where I totally crash.. Ask me anything

Chilly Friday mornings aren't always my most productive moments, but I needed to at least price out cars. I bought my Kia Rio three and a half years  ago. I really did love that car, but she was in need  of a upgrade. I had put too many miles on her, and I needed something better for getting dad out and about. The first car dealership: Treated me like an idiot The second dealership: I asked for a specific car I saw online. They showed me 4 other cars, never showed me the one I asked for, and never gave me a price on the 4 they did show me. Third dealership: No One would wait on me. Fourth Dealership: I decide just to do a drive through. If something stood out, then I would ask about it. Penske Honda won out that day. They: Treated me like a person Came down on the price Gave me a fair trade in price.  I am now the proud owner of a Saturn Ion. :)

I love to quote "Empire Records." Despite it's cheesiness, there is just something about that movie that makes me smile. I know I shouldn't love the movie as much as I do, but I do. I could blame it on the fact it came out when I was in high school. Instead, lets just call it my guilty pleasure. This movie is awful, but I really would quote it more often if I knew other people knew the movie. Maybe I love it because it is about a bunch of outcasts that somehow manage to save the day. Maybe it just the soundtrack. Who knows?

I need a new car. I love my little Kia, but last summer just about did her in. Actually, I was planning on buying a new car before the accident. I even talked to my parents about cars I had been looking at when I was home over Memorial Day. 13,000 miles later, I still have her. I need something with a little less wear and tear and that is a little higher off the ground. Dad can't get in and out of her. I have been getting rentals for my trips home, but I would like to save some of that expense. On Sunday, my dad asked me how much the car I was driving would cost (I had said that I really liked it). I said probably around $15k. He told me to find one I liked and let him know how much it was. Yes, my father wants to buy me a car. Part of me wants to be selfish and take him up on it.  However, as the person responisible for his finances, I know it is a bad idea. As much as  I know this isn't his best plan ever, it is nice to have someone want to take care of me. 99% of the ...

I'd rather be taking the picture. I'm pretty good at the whole photography thing. I usually do not like pictures of me. Actually, I usually avoid being in pictures if I can. Ask me anything

When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne: My friend Stephanie and I sing this together. It reminds me of my parents . I can't imagine how it is for my dad. He's lost so much all at once. It also reminds me of going through the parsonage after our accident. I sang it once and made us both cry (not because it was bad, but because I was crying). Now if we sing together we have a 50% chance of making it through tear free. Yes...we are dumb girls, and I am okay with that. I was listening to the karaoke version last night trying to determine if we needed it down 1 or 2 steps to put the bridge back in both of our ranges...so I listened to and sang my part numerous times. It has been in my head all day! Ask me anything